knowing more.

 

 

As a parent my first priority is my littles. Always. Parenthood is tricky though. There is about a million and one different decisions to make. No pressure here... but there aren't any do-overs either.

Something Yos and I have talked about for many years is whether or not we would want the guys to go to public school or private school. We have a better than average public school system here, but the private school here is religious based and I like the thought of the boys getting a strong foundation of religious knowledge.

Anyhow, for Jr. Kindergarten this year we sent Christian to the Catholic school.We have been really happy with how things have been so far. I've been gently attempting to persuade Yosi to keep him at this school through his elementary years.

Until just last week.

Christian and I were at Walmart and he was just chatting away as usual. I asked him all about his day at school. He goes on to tell me that they colored a project with Jesus and Mary. ok, great. What else did you do. He continues on about this project and how Jesus was the color 'peach'. wait a minute.

Right when he mentioned that something clicked in my mind. I asked him a bit more about it and he said, "I colored Jesus the crayon called peach because that's what everybody did. The picture in our room looks like he's peach too. I think it matches great."

Ok so hear me out. I have zero problems with Christian thinking that Jesus was a fair skinned man. Nobody knows for sure, but the simple fact that he was a middle eastern fellow would lead me to believe that he was not peach. It is more probable that he was pecan. That's besides the point really and now I'm describing Jesus in terms of pie varieties. Moving on.

The point is that by sending our sons to a Catholic school they are going to get a (duh!) Catholic religious background and nothing else. And forever and ever any religious information they encounter they will look at through a Catholic lens. I am not at all saying this is bad.. just not exactly what I want for them. I want their lenses clear so that they can soak up all sorts of different ideas.

We have decided that the boys will not be going to private school. Maybe they won't get religious teaching at school, but that doesn't mean they won't get any. We'll go to church, we'll practice yoga, we'll visit the synagogue, and take a trip to the temple. I am going to make a concentrated effort to make sure that they are exposed to lots of different ideas and traditions. Not to say we won't tell them our personal beliefs, but in my opinion it is always better to know more than to know less. I think that is the best way I can take care of them.

Until next time,
Carmen



how much money do you get for that?

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you run into folks who think you're in it for the money.

Yeah. I said it. And I'll address it too.

Tonight we had an old friend over for dinner. After dinner we were chatting and Yosi commented on my fuzzy pumpkin pattern sock. I laughed him off and chuckled that it was my lucky flying sock when I went to New York. (I'm kind of superstitious...)

Then our pal excitedly asked what I did while in New York. Then I realized that our friend had not been included in the circle of folks that know about Jack, Jill, and our adventure. But at this point, we had no choice but to be honest with him. So we just flat out told him that I was in the process of becoming a gestational surrogate for a couple out east and that's what I was doing in New York.

If you know me, you know that I am always willing and glad to answer almost any question related to the process. I think it better for people to ask than speculate. I am nearly an open book when it comes to questions about surro stuff.

So like a lot of people he seems shocked and asks why.. So I give him a shortened version of this. We had even talked earlier in the evening how Yos and I were finished having babies, and so I piled on the fact that I love being pregnant. I explained that with the boys being such an invaluable part of our life I wanted to be able to help make another family.

Then he asks, "Yeah, but you get money for that right?"

It is not the first time somebody has asked about the money, and I doubt it'll be the last. I always answer the money stuff vaguely and then move the conversation in a different direction. I never deny that there is compensation involved, but evidently some folks don't understand that it's really not appropriate to ask about money specifics.

Even so, I'd rather have somebody come straight out and ask what the compensation was. Doesn't mean I'd answer it, but at least I would know that they were really wondering about the money. Not about my motives in getting involved in surrogacy.

A person who comes to mind is one of my best friends from school. He didn't, and may never fully understand why I chose to do this. He thinks it's nuts. He thinks that it's silly that I would even consider this. But regardless of how he may feel about this choice, he still supports me as his friend. He knows that I am knee deep in this surro stuff because it's something I want to do.

This other guy was sitting in my living room, making very obvious assumptions about my intentions. I am not confrontational so I just left it alone and said, "It's something that we thought about for quite awhile and we're very excited about it." He kind of smirks and says "interesting". I replied, "I think so. If you ever have any questions I'm always willing to hear them. Not everybody thinks it's as wonderful as we do, but I see it as a fantastic opportunity to bring more love into this world. And I think that's pretty friggin awesome."

Without skipping a beat my husband jumps into the conversation and says, "That's absolutely correct. Friggin awesome is how I would describe it too. Not everybody can do what she's going to do. You wouldn't believe the appointments, and the shots that are completely rediculous. Not to mention putting her precious body through another baby, and one that isn't even for us. Not everybody can do that, and that seems priceless to me."

I about fell over dead.

Right there in that moment I couldn't hardly believe what he had said. I was completely speechless. Now, I'll tell ya that Yos has been pretty neutral on the surro front. He supports it because he supports me, and he knows this is something I'm passionate about. His number one concern has always been my health and wellbeing through the process, and besides that he's pretty quiet about the whole thing. He was anyway. Tonight he stood up for me when he saw that my intentions were questioned. He was right there and had my back when I was clearly taken off guard and hurt by a friend. Tonight I am so thankful that he is who he is.

moral of the story : 1) not everyone is going to be supportive. that's fine, just don't go making assumptions. 2) my husband is the best husband ever.

Until next time,
Carmen

around this house.

around this (new!) house

 

we display this beautiful tile handprint that christian made at school.

i will say that eventhough i have been completely happy with his time at school thus far, this project makes the tuition worth every penny.

 

we work hard at Christmas cookies. really hard.

 

I spend lots of time menu planning. on the floor. in my favorite winter time sweater.

 

I do this because I hosted my very first Christmas dinner! It went well, and it was an absolute blast. I think a great time was had by all.

 

I am going to spare the details this evening, but I'll be back with them soon.

 

with that all of in this house wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

 

 

Carmen

 

 

 

 

 

 



tragedy.

 

 

I am kind of a grown up. I do grown up things, and I have grown up friends. But at the end of the night I am 21 years old. This only matters because I have not experienced a lot of national tragedy. I did not know what it was like to mourn for folks you don't know.

 

Unfortunately, this is no longer true. It might be because I am grown, it might be due to the fact that I have a five year old in school, but most likely it is because I am human. I am overwhelmed with grief for the families in Newtown, Connecticut tonight.

 

"Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind." Howard Hunter. (I am not Mormon, but I think this quote is perfection.)

 

I am a student. I am an employee. I am a scholar. I am a wife. I am a woman. I plan on being wonderful in this lifetime I have. I will do great things. I plan to make some sort of difference. With all that said, the greatest thing I will ever do with my time on Earth is be a mother to my sons.

 

I think that's a mom thing. It takes a priority above all else. Life can exist around it, but central to a mother's very being lies the well being of her children.

 

Tonight there are 20 mothers who have lost the light of their life. Twenty mothers who are no longer whole, but broken and shattered. Mothers who will never find answers that are sufficient for their questions. Twenty mothers who will forever have to love a child that lives in God's house, instead of their house - and while God's house is a great place to live, it doesn't matter. Those babies should be at home with their Moms and Dads.

 

I drop my son off at school Monday through Friday at 12:20. I drive him there, take him in, and then I drive away. I go back at 3:15 and watch his smiling face walk towards me with stories to tell about his day. There were 20 mothers today who were not able to pick up their babies.

 

I first heard of the news today on my way to drop Christian off at school. Luckily I was listening to kLOVE and the DJs were well aware of the possibility of little ears and they were quite vague. I got home and put on the news and sat there in tears as I watched the footage. When Yos got home we sat, watched, and cried together.

 

At three o'clock with Nolan in tow we drove together to Christian's school. I cried along the way. I knew that in just a few minutes we'd be hugging our guy, when there was 20 moms and 20 dads that will never again feel those tiny arms squeezing back. As the other parents in Christian's class gathered to wait for their littles it was evident that all of us had watched the news. We all knew about those 20 children, and those 20 moms and the 20 dads. We said nothing, but I know that all of us felt so incredibly blessed to stand there and wait for our smiling children to walk towards us.

 

At 3:18 he came out of the door of the school with the rest of his class. He was in the middle of the line and was grinning ear to ear. I knew that he was fine, but seeing his face brought me the greatest sense of relief. At 3:19 he was in my arms. As soon as he was in the 'safe zone' he left his line and ran into my hug. I hugged him so darn tight that I just about squeezed all of the air out of him. Every other parent there did the same with their child.

 

On our way back to the car he asked, "Mommy, why are you squashing my hand. I need it to write my letters, you know?"

and I said

"You know, it's just that I can't get over how perfect your hand fits inside mine."

and he said

"Mommy! That's because you're my Mom, that's how it's supposed to be!"

 

I then held back my tears until he was in his car seat and I was in the passenger seat, and my face was out of his line of sight.

 

There have been quite a few national tragedies in my lifetime. However, because now I am an adult, this one hits extra hard. I didn't quite understand that worked until now. I do not know a single person who lives in Connecticut, but my heart goes out to every single one of the families affected by the tragedy that occurred today. I pray for you.

 

I pray that someday you'll be able to find peace and comfort... I pray that even today in the midst of such pain, darkness, sadness, anger, and anguish that God may be with you.

 

Until next time,

Carmen



finals. packing. festivity.

Amen.

Semester successfully completed? Check.
     I love school and all, but man am I ready for some R&R.

House packed? Check... erm.. Semi-Check
     We're moving!! A bigger place, with  amenities (dishwasher anyone?), a big back yard for the boys to play, and an overall upgrade from our beloved home now. Moving day is next week and I'm super super super excited. Hey, by the way, I can't wait. I just have to get all of my stuff together (literally) and get it ready to go.

Christmas Spirit? It's complicated.
     Ok so because of moving exactly a week before Christmas, I have not yet put up my tree. Gasp! I know. If you know me you know that my tree is usually up well before Thanksgiving... Don't judge - I love the holiday season, and more than that I love the holiday spirit that just brings out the best in folks. It's been a tad tricky getting ahold of full my usual full blown holiday spirit because my house does not at all feel festive, it feels messy instead. Boxes all over the place. Not sparkly and magical. Our first night in our new house we'll put up our tree and get the Christmas spirit into high gear.

Until next time,
Carmen



can you spare a prayer?

If ever you were a person who prays, please say a prayer for this family. They need loving and comforting thoughts coming their way while they walk this terribly tough path.

too much of an overdue update.

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you forget that even though some days it seems like it, not everyone you know wants to know about the status of you menstrual cycle.

This includes (but is not limited to) :

 

your study group

the people at the noonday prayer service on campus

your father in law

the checkout lady at the vitamin store

probably the folks creeping on your blog...

 

(for any future surros out there: the point is that when you do a surrogacy there are a lot of people that need to know a lot of things about your period. but the kinds of people I mention above... they usually don't.)

 

 

So I haven't talked about here it in a while but Jack, Jill, and I will be giving the IFV another go in February. Initially we hoped for January, but because my body is lagging we're looking at a February transfer.

 

I almost feel bad even typing this, but I am anyway because I think that the other surros visiting can relate. I had an incredibly tough time with the failed cycle. I know they weren't my embryos. It wasn't going to be my baby. And it wasn't really even my loss to mourn. But you know what, I did anyway. Take a glass and fill it will excitement, eagerness, a healthy portion of hopes and dreams, two scoops of effort and time, and add a generous helping of legwork and commitment. That is what Jack, Jill, and I were drinking together for about six months. I'd had the surrogacy bug for a couple of years and I feel confidant saying that Jack and Jill have had the whole "I want us to be parents" thing going on for much longer than that.

 

And it didn't work.

 

I know I know I know - nothing is guaranteed, and nobody is to blame. I completely understand this. But the ONLY job my uterus had was to hang on tight to one (or both) of those teeny embryos. And it didn't. And that is hard. It is hard that these people who I have come to know and love had to feel another sting on their journey to parenthood.

 

I know that their hearts have been hurting too, but lucky for me, they also understand that sometimes things happen and sometimes they don't. None of this sadness has come from them - it's just a natural part of what this is when the cookie crumbles this way.

 

Anyway, we wanted January but we're looking at February now and I for one am feeling really optimistic (surprising? no.). I think this will be our time, and we're doing a bunch of extra stuff to up our odds. But that is another post for another day. I just wanted to give an update because some of you have been asking.

 

Things are still moving forward, and the future is looking very bright for us :)

 

Until next time,

Carmen

 

 

 

 

almost back.

It's that time of year friends! I can't believe it is already December, and contrary to popular belief I have not fallen off the face of the Earth. It is almost the end of the semester and after that I'll be back - probably more than you would even like! In the meantime I wish you all a jolly start to your holiday season.

Also, a huge shout out to my dear husband who has been picking up an enormous amount of slack as I trudge through these demanding few weeks. Love you!

Until next time,
Carmen



math.

 

The photo above describes my relationship with math. I don't know why, but I have never been a part of the lucky majority of science nerds who speak math. The universe has a terrible way of reminding me about this every semester.

 

I start with this because it explains my prolonged absence from the blog this past week. With finals around the corner I have been swamped with schoolwork (including math).



 

But I have been working at a Thanksgiving post that I'll be posting soon.

 

And our little family is relocating! Those details will follow also.

 

But before any of those fun things can happen, I must first finish my homework.

 

Be back soon,
Carmen

 

a question or five.

 

I have been thinking lately. 

 

I have a fantastic professor (fantastic is a ginormous understatement) who talks about these things he calls the 'questions of meaning'. There are five of them and they are as follows:

 

Where did I come from?

Where do I belong here?
What is my purpose?

Why is there suffering?

What happens after I'm gone?

 

He proposes that they are those basic universal things that all folks wonder at some point.

 

I'd believe it. I think these are the biggies. Those big mysterious questions that are really freaking scary.. they have some weight to them. It's not really dinner conversation (I would say that this is very debatable), and it's not something you have to fill out on an insurance application. You won't find these on an any exam for my biology degree. These aren't questions you would ask on a first date, or at job interview.

 

These are the questions that you think about at night. These are the ones you think about in your head. The ones that usually come up during times of sadness or tragedy - but they are always there. 

 

I've been thinking about these lately. They have settled in my bank of curiosity. There are no definite answers to these particular questions and that intrigues me too. I mean, us humans, we know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff. Yet, I'm willing to guess that not too many people would answer all of these questions the exact same way.

 

That's beside the point really.

 

As a whole we may know a lot of things about a lot of things, but I think that lots of people shove these questions to the back of their heads. I think this is because 1)the questions are too big for right now, 2)they really don't feel like knowing the answers are possible, or 3)they are ok with having these sit way in the back.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. It's just not meant for me. I am meant to learn more. Meant to spend some of this precious time I have taking these questions to heart and finding my own truth.

 

I think my professor is absolutely correct, these questions are the ones that mean something.. I am meant for that. 

 

 

Until next time,
Carmen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



weird.

I've noticed that somewhere along my way I have gotten weird.

This is not a bad thing. It's just something that happens sometimes.

I use the word 'weird' endearingly here so if you do these things please don't be offended, instead be my friend because I need folks like you.

I drink green juice and love every last drop. When talking about it to people I find myself saying things like "It's life in juice form" and, "It's as though you are drinking in living energy".

I eat less and less animal products everyday and aspire to be completely vegan soon. Sometimes I catch myself being preach-y about this even! That is not 'weird', it is simply annoying and I'm working on it.

I read things like Gandhi's Autobiography, and The Encyclopedia of Religions. For fun.

I am incredibly enthusiastic about doing a week long pilgrimage in France in another couple of years. (sound cool? learn more here)

I still love science but I'm starting to realize that I can have more than one passion in life. It just so happens that the things I am passionate about are polar opposites (think cellular functions and Jesus).

They say that college can change you. Expand your mind and stuff. I'd agree, but I'd also say that there is more to the story than college. I know plenty of folks who have come out on the other side without a single glass of green juice. I think all this weird stuff has always been there. Just waiting. I've gotten rather courageous as of late, and it takes guts to be different. To want to do different stuff, and know different things.

I feel as though I've always been this girl. It's just that now it's ok to be her. To embrace to weirdness and go with it. And the best part is, I am who I've always been. It's just that now I added on.

Until next time,
Carmen



anniversary.

 

Gosh I've missed the blog this past little while. I've been busy recuperating from the negative cycle, having birthday celebrations, and trick-or-treating with my little pumpkins. School is busy, and now that I'm not pregnant I've been working here and there too. Life is going on all over the place, and luckily even though we've suffered some disappointment here recently, life is still pretty good.

So good in fact, that I got to spend Friday evening with my love celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary. It was perfect in our own little way. Not everyone would want to spend their anniversary at the synagogue. That's right. Me and (the very catholic) Yos ventured off for the evening and attended a service at the synagogue for a class that I'm taking. I thought it was wonderfully interesting, and Yosi was such a trooper. It's not exactly an ideal anniversary date, but we made the best of it and had a lovely dinner afterwards before driving back home.

I can't believe that it's been four years! It feels like we've been together forever, but then again it feels like it was just yesterday when we said our vows. These past four years have been such a learning experience. I feel like those first couple years I was just getting the hang of the whole marriage thing. Now I feel like I've grasped the concept and can really get good at this. Being a wife is such a blessing. There is no better word for it. I consider myself extra blessed because Yosi is such an extraordinary man.

this part is all warm and fuzzy. skip it if you're not into that kind of thing.

I'm not kidding friends he is one of the best people I know, and he inspires me to be better too. He is a noble man with an honest soul. He has a kind heart and those strong manly hands that are so attractive. If I said that he was a great dad it would be the understatement of the year. He makes being a phenomenal husband look easy. He loves me. Like really loves me, and he tells me, all the time. It's the kind of love that I feel in my heart even when we're far apart. He's a special kind of man, and I am so blessed to be able to call him my husband.

Happy Anniversary to the best guy around.The first four years have been the best/hardest/happiest/busiest/funniest years I could have asked for. I can't wait to spend the rest of ever being the best wife I can be. Maybe next year we can hit up the Hindu temple..?

Until next time,
Carmen



this is what fall looks like around these parts.

 

we go through the corn maze at the pumpkin patch.

 

glowing pumpkins.

 

we eat lots of birthday cake.

 

we dress up as skeletons

 

and the organs too.

 

we pretty much just have a lot of fun.

 

 

Happy Halloween,

Carmen

 

 

 

 



on faith and kale.

Feeling sappy tonight. So much to be thankful for. Still stung with the disappointment of the negative IVF cycle, but I'm feeling optimistic about moving forward. I feel as though we've experienced the disappointment, so this next time has just got to bring success. Right?

I've been busy this week with midterm season at school. Unfortunately, my mind does not want to think about psychology or algebra. My mind is spending time in the clouds thinking about the Big Guy who lives up there. I've come a long way in my faith, but I've got this feeling that I'm called to go further. I'm just not exactly sure what that means. Time will tell. And by 'time' I mean God.

Anyhow, over the weekend we celebrated Christian's fifth birthday. A great time was had by all. The next post will contain details and adorable photos.

Oh and I'm going to do a juice fast. Five days of nothing but fresh juice. It's going to be a blast, and I'm going to enlighten you all with every glorious detail in a five day series coming up soon. Hope you love kale as much as I do.

Until then,
Carmen



heavy heart.

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you sit and feel sad.

There has been a timing discrepancy.

All of us here were thinking this was the time for those beautiful embryos to stick around and grow into a healthy baby (or two).

However, this was not the case.

The transfer was unsuccessful, and I am not pregnant.

My heart is quite sad about this. There is so much preparation that goes into a single IVF cycle, that sometimes it's easy to forget that there is no guaranteed happy outcome. We all knew that of course there was a possibility that an embryo wouldn't stick around, but it does make it any easier to hear that the cycle did not work.

I am sad for Jack and Jill. We are so much a team in all of this process, I am incredibly blessed to be in the position to help such a wonderful couple. My uterus just needs to get the memo to hop on the bandwagon.

The reproductive endocrinologist (say that ten times fast) said something that I love. It really brought me back to faith in such a disappointing situation. It went something like 'We do the best we can. We prepare the uterus and grade the embryos. We take all of the 'right' steps. But ultimately, it's not up to us.'

That made the negative results today a little bit easier to digest. Jack and Jill have been great too. I know that their hearts are heavy tonight, and while there is not anything I can do or say to make it better, I am praying for them. The kind of relationship we have is quite unique. Jill and I always joke that there is no Hallmark card for our occasion. There really are no words to adequately convey the special bond we all have. Similarly, there is really no way to describe the sorrow I feel for them tonight.

Moral of the story - I'm not pregnant. I am leaning on faith to make it ok. But, it's still crappy. I am being sad tonight with a glass of wine and I'm going to wake up to a cup of coffee (two things that I've been skipping out on for a while). In the morning I plan to wake up and brush off the 'down' of today and start looking up.

This adventure is not over.

We're aiming for another cycle soon. A successful one at that. I plan on having the best looking uterus in town, and it's going to hang on to the next embryo. Hang on real tight.

Until next time,
Carmen

PS - my biggest little guy turns five tomorrow. not sure where those years went.. but I'll be back soon with pictures of the celebration.



nyc

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you get to go to New York City.

 which means flying far away..

 

which inevitably means entertaining yourself on the plane

 

but then you get to go over the George Washington Bridge

 

and you get to see the One World Trade Center being built

aka the new world trade center

 

and you get to go to Central Park

 

and you go to the most magical looking toy store ever

 

and you see Rockefeller Center

 

and you sit in traffic. In Time Square.

 

Most importantly you get to wear a funny hat at the fertility clinic for the embryo transfer.

 

Everything went perfectly. Will update more soon.

 

Until next time,
Carmen

 



supported.

 

I sincerely believe that humans survive best when surrounded by a network of people who love them. God has placed me in the most wonderful network of people who love me so.

 

I am embarking on a huge adventure, and it's kind of gutsy to do stuff like that. I'm a strong gal, sure. But every now and then everyone needs a little reassurance. Luckily, I've got that coming in from all directions these days. How blessed I am.

 

A couple of friends need a shout out.

 

Yosi. There's not a lot I can say, simply because your love leaves me speechless. Thanks for being wonderful, even though I know it comes naturally. Thanks for supporting all of my gutsy ideas. Thanks for winking at me even when I feel puffy. Oh, and you're the best dad I know.

 

Mom. You have always been there to cheer me on and it does not go unnoticed. I appreciate all of your help; both with the boys, and on the phone in the afternoons. I am incredibly lucky that we not only have a fantastic mother/daughter relationship - but also a wonderful friendship. We will (hopefully) have to switch to decaf soon, but I will forever cherish our coffee dates. Thank you.

 

MotherInLaw. I admire you, and the home you run. Thank you for feeding my husband when I'm busy and when he wants meals I cannot pronounce. Also, thank you a lot for putting up with my whining on the nights where you so kindly give me those estrogen shots. *for the record: the needles are giant. 

There are more of you (you know who you are!), and love you all. I am so lucky to be surrounded by some of the finest individuals around. I appreciate all of your support, encouragement, and love.

 

Until next time,

Carmen

friendly question askers.

 

the post has a lot to do with this one.

 

 

friendly question asker - Carmen, why on Earth would you decide to be a gestational carrier?

 

me - (standard answer) Well a couple of years ago I read about surrogacy in an article and Glamour magazine and I thought it was pretty awesome. I waited until the time was right, and after many discussions with Yos, we decided to move forward pursuing it.

 

90% of friendly question askers - Hmm. So what all do you have to do?

 

other 10% - Ok. But.. why, though?

 

Today we're going to talk about the answer for the other 10%.

 

This is a tough one to answer, simply because it is such a loaded question. I'll do my best, but it will probably involve a bunch of rambling mixed in.

 

The love a mother has for her child is unlike any other love in the world. Children are a blessing from God, in the most absolute sense of the word possible. To want to experience that kind of love, and not be able to go about making it the traditional way is something I know nothing about.

 

It is quite the understatement to say that Yos and I have no trouble conceiving. When I first read that article in Glamour, I started digging around and I was shocked by how many couples struggle with infertility. When I sat and thought about all of these women (and men) whose hearts were desperately wanting to love children something lit up in me.

 

I knew I could help. And here I am.

 

Hold up. Adoption?

 

People usually don't turn to gestational surrogacy on a whim. When on the journey from infertility to parenthood there are a few different paths to choose from. That choice is highly personal and individualized to the couple at hand. Folks want to know why Jack and Jill (and intended parents as a whole) don't adopt instead. This to me is odd, because not one person has ever walked up to me and asked why I decided to have biological children instead of adopting. Not a single one.

 

It would be a lie to tell you that the only reason I wanted to be gestational carrier was because it would be impossibly difficult to want children and not be able to have any the traditional way. I love being pregnant. Love it. I have been pretty lucky so far to have a pretty easy time being pregnant. I'm good at it. I enjoy feeling exhausted and losing sight of my feet. not sarcasm. The sense of joy, the appreciation for my own ability, and the fun little baby jabs make it a wonderful experience.

 

The way I see it, it's a win-win. I get to enjoy a pregnancy, and at the end Jack and Jill will have a beautiful addition to their family.

 

Wait. Don't you already have a lot going on?

Yes I do. I love it. Yosi and I thought long and hard about this carrier thing, and the timing couldn't be better. I have this simple understanding of life in general : it's temporary. I want to make sure that while I'm here I live as passionately and fully as possible. If I had to say right now, I think I'm doing pretty good so far.

 

Until next time,

Carmen