how much money do you get for that?

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you run into folks who think you're in it for the money.

Yeah. I said it. And I'll address it too.

Tonight we had an old friend over for dinner. After dinner we were chatting and Yosi commented on my fuzzy pumpkin pattern sock. I laughed him off and chuckled that it was my lucky flying sock when I went to New York. (I'm kind of superstitious...)

Then our pal excitedly asked what I did while in New York. Then I realized that our friend had not been included in the circle of folks that know about Jack, Jill, and our adventure. But at this point, we had no choice but to be honest with him. So we just flat out told him that I was in the process of becoming a gestational surrogate for a couple out east and that's what I was doing in New York.

If you know me, you know that I am always willing and glad to answer almost any question related to the process. I think it better for people to ask than speculate. I am nearly an open book when it comes to questions about surro stuff.

So like a lot of people he seems shocked and asks why.. So I give him a shortened version of this. We had even talked earlier in the evening how Yos and I were finished having babies, and so I piled on the fact that I love being pregnant. I explained that with the boys being such an invaluable part of our life I wanted to be able to help make another family.

Then he asks, "Yeah, but you get money for that right?"

It is not the first time somebody has asked about the money, and I doubt it'll be the last. I always answer the money stuff vaguely and then move the conversation in a different direction. I never deny that there is compensation involved, but evidently some folks don't understand that it's really not appropriate to ask about money specifics.

Even so, I'd rather have somebody come straight out and ask what the compensation was. Doesn't mean I'd answer it, but at least I would know that they were really wondering about the money. Not about my motives in getting involved in surrogacy.

A person who comes to mind is one of my best friends from school. He didn't, and may never fully understand why I chose to do this. He thinks it's nuts. He thinks that it's silly that I would even consider this. But regardless of how he may feel about this choice, he still supports me as his friend. He knows that I am knee deep in this surro stuff because it's something I want to do.

This other guy was sitting in my living room, making very obvious assumptions about my intentions. I am not confrontational so I just left it alone and said, "It's something that we thought about for quite awhile and we're very excited about it." He kind of smirks and says "interesting". I replied, "I think so. If you ever have any questions I'm always willing to hear them. Not everybody thinks it's as wonderful as we do, but I see it as a fantastic opportunity to bring more love into this world. And I think that's pretty friggin awesome."

Without skipping a beat my husband jumps into the conversation and says, "That's absolutely correct. Friggin awesome is how I would describe it too. Not everybody can do what she's going to do. You wouldn't believe the appointments, and the shots that are completely rediculous. Not to mention putting her precious body through another baby, and one that isn't even for us. Not everybody can do that, and that seems priceless to me."

I about fell over dead.

Right there in that moment I couldn't hardly believe what he had said. I was completely speechless. Now, I'll tell ya that Yos has been pretty neutral on the surro front. He supports it because he supports me, and he knows this is something I'm passionate about. His number one concern has always been my health and wellbeing through the process, and besides that he's pretty quiet about the whole thing. He was anyway. Tonight he stood up for me when he saw that my intentions were questioned. He was right there and had my back when I was clearly taken off guard and hurt by a friend. Tonight I am so thankful that he is who he is.

moral of the story : 1) not everyone is going to be supportive. that's fine, just don't go making assumptions. 2) my husband is the best husband ever.

Until next time,
Carmen