FAQ 2

I'm back to answer some more surro questions! Folks love asking questions and I don't mind a bit. This post is all about delivery specifics, so if your not interested, come back soon :)

FAQ 1: You went drug-less during labor? How was it?

Yes I did, and it was hard. Why would I want to do this? Well, honestly because I wanted to feel like a rockstar. And I do. 

I had epidurals with both Christian and Nolan. I'd done a ton of reading about natural labor and I wanted to give it my best shot. This is a HUGE reason I wanted to avoid the induction. I knew that if I wanted any chance at delivering without drugs, pitocin could not be involved in the process. I've never once heard a good thing about a pitocin contraction. As if the natural ones weren't bad enough.

From the time the lab confirmed the presence of amniotic fluid (roughly 3pm) to the time babe was born (shortly after 3am) was about 12 hours. We arrived at 'YeahShitJustGotReal' at about 8pm. We didn't reach 'OkSeriouslyI'mDoneHere' until about midnight. So really it was only about five or six hours of really rough stuff. 

Would I recommend it to my friends? ...........Yes. I think.

Keep in mind this all happened less than four weeks ago, so that forgetting that happens - it hasn't happened to me yet. Also, keep in mind I felt really awful afterwards. The hemorrhage I had really made those hours after Bunny was born unpleasant. This has zero to do with the fact that I rocked a drug free birth, but it does taint my whole delivery story. If I would have felt great right away (like they say you will after a natural birth), I think I would be a bunch more excited about it. However, it's hard to separate the two events (birth, and hemorrhage).

FAQ 2: Any advice for going drug free? 

Get a doula.  Seriously. As excited I was to bring a doula onto the team, I was apprehensive about it too. I was worried about adding another body to the room and I was worried that I'd just be annoyed with someone trying be on top of my labor experience. Yosi really shared this concern. He is wonderful labor support, and I think he was concerned that he wouldn't have a role anymore, or that she was going to step on his toes. We couldn't have been more wrong. 

She helped and encouraged me to change positions, and she showed Yosi how to rub my back the right way. 

She helped me into the shower (and in the shower, and out of the shower..). 

I was really concerned about Jack and Jill during labor. They weren't always in the room, and sometimes they were, but either way I wanted them to feel comfortable and not worried. She was awesome at this too. She reassured me that they were ok, and I'm thinking she probably did quite a bit of reassuring them too. 

She held my hand when Yos had to eat something, or pee, or breath for a second.  

When I felt hot, she tracked down a fan. And I didn't even SAY that I was hot. She just knew. 

When I felt like I was going to throw up during every contraction for those last couple of hours she would bring out this magical bottle of peppermint essential oil and swing it in front of my nose and that puke-y feeling would disappear. She also had a magical bottle of lavender oil that she brought out when I started to get panicky anxious during transition and pushing. Magic I tell you. 

She was so fantastic, I simply cannot say enough wonderful things about her. I just can't. I am SO glad that Jill brought the idea of a doula into the picture and I'm SO glad we found Evie. 

FAQ 3: Ok, so what happened afterwards? Hemorrage means what and what did those hours after the birth actually entail?

It's normal to bleed a bit after delivery. After the placenta detaches, it leaves a gaping wound. Some blood is totally normal, usually the uterus will contract a bit to squeeze the vessels in the wound which limits the blood loss. My uterus didn't do that as quickly or as efficiently as it should have, which in turn caused me to lose more blood than I should have. 

Bunny was born at 3:10 and the placenta didn't wasn't delivered for at least another half hour. In that time Doc started a liter of pitocin to help my uterus contract. 

After the placenta finally appeared, a lot of blood did too. So she started another liter.

Between 4:15 and 4:30, this wasn't helping enough so she tried some cytotec. 

It looked like that was helping enough so they let me eat and rest a bit. It was about this time that I thought about showering but as soon as the nurses helped me to sit up, I nearly fainted. My ears started ringing, the room was spinning, I almost threw up, and I got really hot. No shower happening. 

After another couple of hours there was still too much bleeding happening so they did a shot of methergen and started talking about a D&C and transfusion. Scary stuff. Luckily that shot of methergen helped my uterus enough to avoid the D&C, but I had already lost well over a liter of blood and wasn't able to avoid the transfusion. 

The nurses wheeled me to a new room about 9 and started the blood transfusion then. I also had pain meds, nausea meds, and a benadryl at this time and so I slept like a rock for a few hours. 

Things continued to improve and I went home at 11 the next morning. I'm still more sluggish than before, however, I'm feeling so much better. I have never felt so sick as I did that morning. Luckily, surgery wasn't needed, and most importantly Bunny and I are both fine. 

Why did it happen? The Doc thinks it was because the baby was so big and my uterus was really distended in order to accommodate the extra size. The bigger the uterus gets the more work it has to do, and mine was just feeling lazy after delivery. 

Enough for tonight. Until next time,
Carmen

i love college.

disclaimer:

being delicate is ok. while being vast and brilliant. of course.

This post has been cooking in my head for quite awhile. I still don't know if it accurately portrays my deep appreciation I have in my heart for my college experience. 

When you have your first baby when you're 16, things are different for you. When you proceed to get married the next year, and then have another baby a year after that... things are different for you. I have so much love for my family. My heart is overwhelmed with joy because of these boys in my life. That being said, after Christian was born, there was a part of me that never really thought that I'd go to college. It was fine because I wasn't all that concerned with college, I would just go to work and enjoy my family and it would be fine. 

Three years, a wedding, and another baby later, I didn't feel that way anymore. I was unhappy with my job, my marriage surviving instead of thriving, and I was unhappy with myself. Then a day came around when I just couldn't be that person anymore. I needed a change. And that change was an education. 

Being a non-traditional student isn't easy. It's included countless late nights at the computer with coffee and a calculator. I've missed  more bedtimes than I'd like to admit. I've been a cranky wife for midterms and finals season for four semesters now. But you know what? I'm proud of myself. 

I'm proud that I go to college. I'm proud that my name is on the Dean's list. I'm proud of those grades I look at now that I never earned in high school. I'm proud that I earned a teaching assistant internship. I'm proud to have participated in some fantastic and enriching learning experiences. I'm proud to have had the opportunity to connect with some of the most interesting individuals. I'm proud that I've grown as a person. And a mom. And a wife. 

College has been such a transformative experience for me. I love the academic environment. I love being surrounded by people who have such knowledge and experience in fields that they love. I love listening to professors lecture about things they love and are passionate about. 

I love college. I love the woman it has encouraged me to become. I love that I can look at my life and say with complete honesty that I'm proud of who I'm becoming. 

I love college.

Until next time,

Carmen

FAQ

Sometimes when you're a surrogate everybody has a lot of questions for you. I'm going to try and answer some of the things I am hearing the most frequently here. I know I was always curious about the 'afterwards' part too.

FAQ 1: How are you feeling? 

Physically: Good. I'm not back to my normal self yet, but being that I delivered 11 days ago, I'd say that's ok. I'm down about 40 pounds, and am in that awkward stage where my maternity pants are too big and my normal pants are too small. I'll take it. I got SO puffy towards the end that my legs didn't even look like my own - it was almost bizarre. So lots of that weight is fluid (and the nearly ten pound baby!), but it's nice to be able to put on socks and shoes. I've still got about 20-25 pounds to get back down to where I was before I started meds, but I'm not rushing it.

Due to all the blood loss, it's taking a bit longer to get my energy back. - and I'm not even taking care of a newborn. (seriously, new moms who hemorrhage and then take their baby home - mad props to you ladies)  I get winded easily, and get tired fast. Yos and I enjoyed a shopping day out of town yesterday, and about two hours in I was done. As much as I wanted to keep going, I just couldn't. This is getting a lot better though. In those days after delivery I couldn't even shower without feeling like I was going to fall over, so shopping at all is a huge improvement. 

I'm a lot less sore. Just in general. The end of pregnancy is just a sore moment in time. Carrying all the extra weight is taxing on the body. Labor is hard work. Delivering the baby... Hard work. I'm no longer slowing down when I drive over a bump in the road, and I'm sitting a lot easier than I was a week ago. Huge improvement.

My appetite really plummeted in those days when I first got home, but it's picking back up. I'm pumping for Bunny so I need to keep my calorie intake on the higher side, and it's a still a struggle, but I'm working on it. 

Also, I'm sleeping through the night. Something that my bladder hasn't allowed in quite some time. It's pretty awesome. 

Emotionally: I feel really good. It's par for me to have a 'blah' day or two after having a baby, and sure enough that day came and went last week and I'm back to myself. Jack and Jill flew home yesterday with Bunny, and saying goodbye on Friday night was just as I expected. It was full of laughter, and tears, and joy, and a sting of "oh I'm going to miss them".. and I will. But I am SO overjoyed that after a month away from home, they are settling into their new normal with their new baby. 

I made a family. I made a woman a mom, a man a dad, and I physically grew a new life. I made dreams come true. While I'm not arrogant about it or anything, I recognize the impact I had on these lives and I feel pretty darn good about it. 

FAQ 2: Were Jack and Jill in the delivery room? Was it weird?

Yes they were, and no it wasn't. It was their baby being born. Of course I wanted them to be there. While in labor they were in and out, sometimes because I needed privacy (while in the shower, or if the nurse was doing an exam), but sometimes because they just stepped out on their own. But for the hour of pushing and delivery they were waiting patiently off to the side of the bed by the baby warmer. Don't get me wrong, I'm a modest woman, but this was their child. And honestly, at that point, I wasn't all that concerned about who was in the room. When Bunny was delivered Jill came to hold her baby while Jack cut the cord. It was in those moments that Jill's expression was.... so incredibly priceless. I can't imagine it going any other way. 

FAQ 3: So will you keep in touch with them?
Yes. Going into this experience I knew I wanted to match with a couple who wanted continued contact. I wanted to hear about how they were doing and how the baby was growing. Turns out Jack and Jill have become family and we'll carry on accordingly. I'm pretty blessed. 

FAQ 4: How are the boys doing with the whole thing?

All three are fairing well. The little boys are doing just fine. They enjoyed meeting the baby, but were not phased by the fact the Jack and Jill were the mom and dad. Yos is doing well too. For as relatively hands-off as he was in the beginning parts of this adventure, he really was such an important part of this. I can't say enough wonderful things about him... He really is something great. He had some snuggle time with Bunny and I'll bet that he squeezed Jack and Jill about as tight as I did when we parted ways. 

FAQ 5:  So seriously... You didn't want to keep the baby after delivery?

No, I seriously didn't. Being that I'd never delivered a baby for anyone else before, I thought about this moment a lot late in the pregnancy... How would it be? How would it feel to watch this little life I've come to know go right into somebody else's arms? I really just didn't know what to expect. 

It felt completely right. It only made sense. As I watched Jill hold her baby for the first time, it felt exactly right. I felt proud, and overjoyed for her, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Not only was my task delivering the baby completed, my task of growing the baby was completed too. Successfully at that. There's a gigantic responsibility us surrogates take on when we put somebody else's embryo into our uterus. The heaviness of that responsibility is real, and it's felt the entire duration of the pregnancy. As Jack and Jill held their new baby, it felt like a natural transfer of responsibility. I had done my part, and now it was their (long awaited) turn. 

I describe it this way - I was excited to meet the baby, but I didn't want the baby.

FAQ 6: So.. What now? 

This was something I was actually prepared to feel myself... But so far I have not. 

No, I will not do another surrogacy.

No, this surrogacy has not uncovered some deep hidden desire to have another baby of my own.

Honestly, I plan to have wine with dinner.
I plan on getting a tattoo. 

I plan on graduating from college next year.

I plan on enjoying a winter trip with my husband, and playing with my boys. 

I plan on doing a whole lot of stuff I had been planning on anyway. 

I guess the only thing I plan on doing that I hadn't before is donating blood (when I'm able). I was pretty ill there after delivery, and I greatly benefited from the donated blood I received. I'd like to be able to give back in that regard.

That's all for tonight. Until next time,
Carmen

the story.

So I thought I'd write up Bunny's birth story. I've never written one for either of my guys, but I thought it fitting this time around. I know when I was wanting to become a surrogate and reading every surro blog I could find, I wanted to read about how the big day actually went down.

That being said : This post is about the size of a novel. Plan accordingly. Also, I'm not going to spare many details. If this is not your thing - I respectfully advise you to move on. Check back in a few days for a post about how much I love college instead. 

from the beginning

we had an induction scheduled for 11/1.

none of us wanted to make it to that day. inductions are not fun.

Friday 10/25, I had an acupuncture appointment with a very peppy woman who has a specific acupuncture treatment to bring on labor. We'd heard lots of good things about her, and I love acupuncture so I didn't mind at all. 

The weekend came and went and there was no baby.

Monday (10/28) we had an OB appointment in the morning where the doc stripped my membranes and we had one last ultrasound. Bunny was estimated at 8lbs13oz. Big. We also nailed down the specifics for the induction on Friday.

After the OB appointment we had another acupuncture appointment - at this point I was resigning myself to the fact that we'd just wait until Friday at 8am and make the best of the induction. 

Monday night I slept like a rock (another gigantic selling point for the acupunture!), and woke up at 7 to get up and going. Christian and I had school, and Nolan was excited to play at daycare, just like any other Tuesday. I was convinced that this baby wasn't coming a minute before Friday so it only made sense to carry on with business as usual. 

As I was going about my morning I noticed that my bladder must be leaking or something. Gross I know, but I went through 2 or 3 panty liners before noon. Then it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't losing control of my bladder, but maybe it was amniotic fluid... But probably not. I'd been having contractions, but braxton hicks had been a constant in my life for the past couple of weeks so I didn't think much of it. Just to be sure, I called into the doctor and she said to come in and she'd see what was up. Well, I was in the next town over about to give a lecture on Thomas Jefferson and the faith of the founding fathers so this last minute appointment would just have to wait. I didn't call Jack, Jill, Yosi, the doula, or my mom. I figured really, it's got to be nothing, why bother?

I gave my lecture (which was fascinating I might add), and then headed back to town for my appointment.

Weight, blood pressure, pee in cup, and then pants off exam. Doc sent a swab to lab to confirm/deny the presence of fluid, and then
I sat there and waited for the results to come back. I was just kicking myself for even coming in. It was nothing, the contractions were just nothing, and this was a wasted trip. I was glad I hadn't called anyone yet because I could just keep this whole mistake to myself. 

Then the doctor walks back in and says "It's definitely amniotic fluid. Do you have your hospital bags with you?" I proceeded to ask her about 15 times if she was sure - eventually she just gave me the lab results to read for myself because I was not convinced. 

I, of course, did not have my hospital bags with me. So at this point I drive home, pack my bag, and drive myself to the hospital to get checked in. Yosi went off to pick up the guys and get them settled at grandmas before meeting me at the hospital around 4pm. 

I didn't call Jack and Jill just yet because I had a brilliantly cute idea that I'd wait until I was checked in and then text them a picture of my hospital bracelet saying "It's a beautiful day to have a baby!" - this was especially cute because the day was really dreadful and rainy and cold. I thought that they were just across the street at their hotel, but as it turns out they were also over an hour away doing some shopping.

So it ended up just being me and Yosi at the hospital for a little while as Jack and Jill rushed back to town. We talked about all sorts of stuff, mostly keeping our minds off of the long night ahead.

Doctor came in about six and really broke my water. It had been leaking for maybe twelve hours already but was still partially intact. 

It was shortly after this that Evie (the doula) and Jack and Jill arrived. The mood was still pretty light and the contractions were still not that bad and everything was going along swimmingly. Jack ran out for some grocery things and a pizza. Jill and Evie chatted in the corner and Yos kept me focused on him and our light and unimportant conversation. 

Then our we added to the party. My nurse came in and said that there was a nurse who had worked at the hospital for many years and was in the process of becoming a midwife. Would I mind if she came in to observe? Gosh, there was already so many people around... but I love me some students. So I said yes. 

And then a medical student who I'd seen a few times before poked her head in and asked if she could stick around for the event too. Of course she could join. 

Then the midwife student (Jen) checked my progress (maybe around 9) and I was a solid 7. I was really relieved that my body got the picture and was doing its job. Jen then suggested I get into the shower. The shower was good. The water was nice and the quiet was nice. It was about this time that I was ready to be done. I didn't want drugs, or a csection, I just wanted to be anywhere but there. I wanted to be at home in bed, like I usually was at that time. I wanted to be relaxing with my husband and not in the middle of labor. 

I got out of the shower and got dressed and then just stood leaning against Yos. At this point I'm not sure who was around anymore. It was maybe midnight, and then everything was hard. Standing was bad, sitting was bad, laying was bad, the shower was bad. Everything was bad. The least bad was standing so that's what we did. 

If I wasn't already convinced that my husband was the best in the whole world, I was now. He stood with me and when I asked what we were going to do tomorrow, he listed off exactly what I wanted to hear. 

*watch Boston win the world series.
*eat pie
*play with the boys
*go to bed at our normal time
     *with Lucinda (the cat)
     *and the fan on

I asked him this over and over and over again. And he responded, in that order, over and over and over again. 

Then it was time to push and this was some hard work. The room was full with Jack, Jill, Evie, Jen, the med student, the doctor, the nurse, and Yosi. It was a full house! I was most afraid of this through the whole pregnancy and now I had to just face it and get it over with. Except I was really terrified. And tired. And I wanted to be anywhere but in that hospital, doing anything but having a baby. 

I took about an hour at this. Could I have been done in 30? Sure, but I just couldn't bring myself to push that hard. But then there just wasn't a choice anymore. Lucky for me, as I asked repeatedly what we'd be doing the following day, Yosi didn't miss a beat. 

Bunny was born at 3:10 am on 10/30 weighing 9lbs8oz. Watching Jill's face as she came close to hold her baby was possibly the best thing I've ever seen in my life. She had the most priceless look.... Her face in that moment made every pregnancy discomfort, contraction, and push, worth it tens times over. 

In all of the joy, this is where I first knew something was off. The placenta was taking a really long time, and both the nurse and the midwife had a strange look on their faces. Then the doctor started some pitocin to help get things going. But we still waited quite a bit. 

At this point Jack and Jill were in the nursery with Bunny and the med student went to get some sleep before she had rounds. It was just the nurse, Evie, Doc, Midwife, and Yosi. After the placenta came out it looked like things might be fine. They started to clean me up a bit, the doctor and midwife student left, and Evie and Yosi rested. As time progressed and the first liter of pit wasn't slowing the bleeding, I started to feel crappy - nauseous, pale, shaky, cold, and just yucky. 

This is when talk began of transfusions and a possible D&C... Honestly I felt so crappy that I was more than ready to agree to anything that would  make me feel better. 

After another liter of pitocin, some cytotec, a shot of methergen, nausea meds, and pain meds the wonderful nurses cleaned me up (because I still hadn't gotten in the shower - or out of bed at all) and moved me to a recovery room to get some sleep while I got two units of blood. 

By the end of the day, I was feeling much better. I was able to shower, and get up and move (slowly) around my room. 

In the morning, I was able to walk down to the nursery to visit the new family. Boy did they look wonderful. I went home later that day and finally got some real rest in my own bed with my husband, at our normal time, with Lucinda, and the fan on. 

Until next time,
Carmen