FAQ

Sometimes when you're a surrogate everybody has a lot of questions for you. I'm going to try and answer some of the things I am hearing the most frequently here. I know I was always curious about the 'afterwards' part too.

FAQ 1: How are you feeling? 

Physically: Good. I'm not back to my normal self yet, but being that I delivered 11 days ago, I'd say that's ok. I'm down about 40 pounds, and am in that awkward stage where my maternity pants are too big and my normal pants are too small. I'll take it. I got SO puffy towards the end that my legs didn't even look like my own - it was almost bizarre. So lots of that weight is fluid (and the nearly ten pound baby!), but it's nice to be able to put on socks and shoes. I've still got about 20-25 pounds to get back down to where I was before I started meds, but I'm not rushing it.

Due to all the blood loss, it's taking a bit longer to get my energy back. - and I'm not even taking care of a newborn. (seriously, new moms who hemorrhage and then take their baby home - mad props to you ladies)  I get winded easily, and get tired fast. Yos and I enjoyed a shopping day out of town yesterday, and about two hours in I was done. As much as I wanted to keep going, I just couldn't. This is getting a lot better though. In those days after delivery I couldn't even shower without feeling like I was going to fall over, so shopping at all is a huge improvement. 

I'm a lot less sore. Just in general. The end of pregnancy is just a sore moment in time. Carrying all the extra weight is taxing on the body. Labor is hard work. Delivering the baby... Hard work. I'm no longer slowing down when I drive over a bump in the road, and I'm sitting a lot easier than I was a week ago. Huge improvement.

My appetite really plummeted in those days when I first got home, but it's picking back up. I'm pumping for Bunny so I need to keep my calorie intake on the higher side, and it's a still a struggle, but I'm working on it. 

Also, I'm sleeping through the night. Something that my bladder hasn't allowed in quite some time. It's pretty awesome. 

Emotionally: I feel really good. It's par for me to have a 'blah' day or two after having a baby, and sure enough that day came and went last week and I'm back to myself. Jack and Jill flew home yesterday with Bunny, and saying goodbye on Friday night was just as I expected. It was full of laughter, and tears, and joy, and a sting of "oh I'm going to miss them".. and I will. But I am SO overjoyed that after a month away from home, they are settling into their new normal with their new baby. 

I made a family. I made a woman a mom, a man a dad, and I physically grew a new life. I made dreams come true. While I'm not arrogant about it or anything, I recognize the impact I had on these lives and I feel pretty darn good about it. 

FAQ 2: Were Jack and Jill in the delivery room? Was it weird?

Yes they were, and no it wasn't. It was their baby being born. Of course I wanted them to be there. While in labor they were in and out, sometimes because I needed privacy (while in the shower, or if the nurse was doing an exam), but sometimes because they just stepped out on their own. But for the hour of pushing and delivery they were waiting patiently off to the side of the bed by the baby warmer. Don't get me wrong, I'm a modest woman, but this was their child. And honestly, at that point, I wasn't all that concerned about who was in the room. When Bunny was delivered Jill came to hold her baby while Jack cut the cord. It was in those moments that Jill's expression was.... so incredibly priceless. I can't imagine it going any other way. 

FAQ 3: So will you keep in touch with them?
Yes. Going into this experience I knew I wanted to match with a couple who wanted continued contact. I wanted to hear about how they were doing and how the baby was growing. Turns out Jack and Jill have become family and we'll carry on accordingly. I'm pretty blessed. 

FAQ 4: How are the boys doing with the whole thing?

All three are fairing well. The little boys are doing just fine. They enjoyed meeting the baby, but were not phased by the fact the Jack and Jill were the mom and dad. Yos is doing well too. For as relatively hands-off as he was in the beginning parts of this adventure, he really was such an important part of this. I can't say enough wonderful things about him... He really is something great. He had some snuggle time with Bunny and I'll bet that he squeezed Jack and Jill about as tight as I did when we parted ways. 

FAQ 5:  So seriously... You didn't want to keep the baby after delivery?

No, I seriously didn't. Being that I'd never delivered a baby for anyone else before, I thought about this moment a lot late in the pregnancy... How would it be? How would it feel to watch this little life I've come to know go right into somebody else's arms? I really just didn't know what to expect. 

It felt completely right. It only made sense. As I watched Jill hold her baby for the first time, it felt exactly right. I felt proud, and overjoyed for her, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Not only was my task delivering the baby completed, my task of growing the baby was completed too. Successfully at that. There's a gigantic responsibility us surrogates take on when we put somebody else's embryo into our uterus. The heaviness of that responsibility is real, and it's felt the entire duration of the pregnancy. As Jack and Jill held their new baby, it felt like a natural transfer of responsibility. I had done my part, and now it was their (long awaited) turn. 

I describe it this way - I was excited to meet the baby, but I didn't want the baby.

FAQ 6: So.. What now? 

This was something I was actually prepared to feel myself... But so far I have not. 

No, I will not do another surrogacy.

No, this surrogacy has not uncovered some deep hidden desire to have another baby of my own.

Honestly, I plan to have wine with dinner.
I plan on getting a tattoo. 

I plan on graduating from college next year.

I plan on enjoying a winter trip with my husband, and playing with my boys. 

I plan on doing a whole lot of stuff I had been planning on anyway. 

I guess the only thing I plan on doing that I hadn't before is donating blood (when I'm able). I was pretty ill there after delivery, and I greatly benefited from the donated blood I received. I'd like to be able to give back in that regard.

That's all for tonight. Until next time,
Carmen