too much of an overdue update.

Sometimes when you're a surrogate you forget that even though some days it seems like it, not everyone you know wants to know about the status of you menstrual cycle.

This includes (but is not limited to) :

 

your study group

the people at the noonday prayer service on campus

your father in law

the checkout lady at the vitamin store

probably the folks creeping on your blog...

 

(for any future surros out there: the point is that when you do a surrogacy there are a lot of people that need to know a lot of things about your period. but the kinds of people I mention above... they usually don't.)

 

 

So I haven't talked about here it in a while but Jack, Jill, and I will be giving the IFV another go in February. Initially we hoped for January, but because my body is lagging we're looking at a February transfer.

 

I almost feel bad even typing this, but I am anyway because I think that the other surros visiting can relate. I had an incredibly tough time with the failed cycle. I know they weren't my embryos. It wasn't going to be my baby. And it wasn't really even my loss to mourn. But you know what, I did anyway. Take a glass and fill it will excitement, eagerness, a healthy portion of hopes and dreams, two scoops of effort and time, and add a generous helping of legwork and commitment. That is what Jack, Jill, and I were drinking together for about six months. I'd had the surrogacy bug for a couple of years and I feel confidant saying that Jack and Jill have had the whole "I want us to be parents" thing going on for much longer than that.

 

And it didn't work.

 

I know I know I know - nothing is guaranteed, and nobody is to blame. I completely understand this. But the ONLY job my uterus had was to hang on tight to one (or both) of those teeny embryos. And it didn't. And that is hard. It is hard that these people who I have come to know and love had to feel another sting on their journey to parenthood.

 

I know that their hearts have been hurting too, but lucky for me, they also understand that sometimes things happen and sometimes they don't. None of this sadness has come from them - it's just a natural part of what this is when the cookie crumbles this way.

 

Anyway, we wanted January but we're looking at February now and I for one am feeling really optimistic (surprising? no.). I think this will be our time, and we're doing a bunch of extra stuff to up our odds. But that is another post for another day. I just wanted to give an update because some of you have been asking.

 

Things are still moving forward, and the future is looking very bright for us :)

 

Until next time,

Carmen