2013

2013

This year has been filled with so much life.

I've been blessed exponentially with joy and health.

My husband told me the other night that this has been "our best year yet". 

Our sons are beautiful and healthy and brilliant.

I have cherished time with family and friends.

I have learned more both in school and in life (mostly life) than I ever could have imagined. 

My surrogacy adventure has opened my eyes and my heart in ways that words cannot describe.

Life in this house has never been filled with more laughter.

It's been a fantastic year.

I can't wait to see what 2014 holds.

Happy New Year,

Carmen

being merry.

what a joyous holiday we've had. 

hope you have too.

Merry Christmas,

Carmen

final appointment.

I had my six-week postpartum check up today. All went well. When I went to leave I asked my doctor when to come back and she said, "Not for a year!". And then we both stood there for a second almost in disbelief. I've been hanging out at the doctor's office at least a couple times a month for the past 16 months or so and it was so odd to think that I didn't have to come back until next December.

We shared a great big hug and I thanked her for taking such great care of me, and she thanked me for letting her be a part of something so much bigger than she'd seen before.  

It was quite something today to walk out of the office with no two-week follow up appointment. 

I truly found a fantastic physician when embarking on this adventure. I knew I needed to find someone who was completely supportive of the surrogacy, but more importantly, completely supportive of  me and my well-being. And I did just that. I found a doctor who went out of her way to work with a clinic across the country in preparation for the IVF. She not only took care of me and Bunny, but she took care of Jack and Jill too. She had like four patients in one, and she was a complete rockstar the whole way. 

She eased my anxieties (and Jill's too!) about anything pregnancy/baby/labor/delivery/hemorrhage related. She talked to me like a person, not a patient. She's funny, and personable, and just the right amount of sarcastic - when the time called for that. She's also brilliant, and professional, and just the right amount of firm - when the time called for that. She was everything I had hoped for in an OB and even more. 

I am lucky to have had such a fantastic medical experience along with my fantastic surrogacy experience. I mean to have amazing intended parents AND an amazing doctor? Please!

It felt a lot like closing the chapter today - my final appointment. I walked out with a tear and a smile. What a wonderful adventure this has been.

Until next time,

Carmen

life lately.

life lately.

Finals have come and gone. Thank goodness. Feeling super ready for break.

I'd say that the semester was successful, but I'm ready for the next one (after the break of course!).

The boys are ready for break too.

Christian is at the most funnest age ever. Yep. Funnest.

I've just started working out again. Oy. I have zero muscle tone and zero endurance.

Despite of those things it feels good to get back to the gym.

Nolan threw up all over the (carpeted) floor today. Poor thing. And poor carpet.

Baby Bunny, Jack, and Jill are doing well.

Christmas crafts? Yes. Photos to prove my craftiness will be provided soon.

If I hear another person complain about their upcoming birthday/getting older/gray hair I might have to physically place my foot into my mouth.

I'm cooking up my goals for this upcoming year and I can't wait to share them with you! It's going to be a fun year on the blog.

I'm hosting my holiday meal on the 23rd this year. I can't for the life of me decide what to make. I'm running out of time guys.

I may or may not be really great at procrastinating. This is sometimes a good attribute. Other times.. not great.

Until next time,

Carmen

i'll carry that.

This post comes at a perfect time. Just after my proclamation of adoration to my college career, it's important to acknowledge the other side. I love college, but it's not always bright and shiny. 

I think these feelings are applicable to lots of women these days. More women are pursuing careers outside of the home than ever. Whether out of need or desire, it doesn't matter, both are valid and honorable. That being said, it's not easy to carry the full time job of mom/wife/chef/housekeeper and carry anything else at the same time. 

It's heavy to carry multiple things at once. 

Dinner? I'll carry that.

Bedtime stories? I'll carry that. 

1200 word paper on the aspect of government I find most interesting (....seriously.)? I'll carry that. 

Meeting with a student of mine who is failing and realizes it's almost the end of the semester? I'll carry that.

9 am Kindergarten Christmas concert? I'll carry that. 

It's a juggling act, and women today are professionals jugglers. But something I'm finding is that I'm carrying more than just these tasks.

The disappointment in Christian's eyes when I have to study instead of play? I'll carry that.

The remarks on my paper that it's well thought out, but rushed? I'll carry that. 

The frustration in Yosi's voice as I call to say I'll be home late and miss dinner (again.)? I'll carry that. 

My own sinking heart as I drop Nolan off an extra day at daycare so I can catch up on school work? I'll carry that. 

Knowing that I submitted work that was less than my best because I spent the evening painting Christmas ornaments instead of working on homework all night like I my homework demanded? I'll carry that. 

There are times where it feels impossible to continue on with the current load I'm juggling. 

As long as I feel it's important to continue my career outside of the home, I'm going to juggle. And for as long as this is my reality, there are times when I just can't be everywhere all the time. And when this happens, there is disappointment from one direction or another, and always the disappointment that I have with myself for not actually having super powers. I'll carry that, too. 

Until next time,
Carmen 

FAQ 2

I'm back to answer some more surro questions! Folks love asking questions and I don't mind a bit. This post is all about delivery specifics, so if your not interested, come back soon :)

FAQ 1: You went drug-less during labor? How was it?

Yes I did, and it was hard. Why would I want to do this? Well, honestly because I wanted to feel like a rockstar. And I do. 

I had epidurals with both Christian and Nolan. I'd done a ton of reading about natural labor and I wanted to give it my best shot. This is a HUGE reason I wanted to avoid the induction. I knew that if I wanted any chance at delivering without drugs, pitocin could not be involved in the process. I've never once heard a good thing about a pitocin contraction. As if the natural ones weren't bad enough.

From the time the lab confirmed the presence of amniotic fluid (roughly 3pm) to the time babe was born (shortly after 3am) was about 12 hours. We arrived at 'YeahShitJustGotReal' at about 8pm. We didn't reach 'OkSeriouslyI'mDoneHere' until about midnight. So really it was only about five or six hours of really rough stuff. 

Would I recommend it to my friends? ...........Yes. I think.

Keep in mind this all happened less than four weeks ago, so that forgetting that happens - it hasn't happened to me yet. Also, keep in mind I felt really awful afterwards. The hemorrhage I had really made those hours after Bunny was born unpleasant. This has zero to do with the fact that I rocked a drug free birth, but it does taint my whole delivery story. If I would have felt great right away (like they say you will after a natural birth), I think I would be a bunch more excited about it. However, it's hard to separate the two events (birth, and hemorrhage).

FAQ 2: Any advice for going drug free? 

Get a doula.  Seriously. As excited I was to bring a doula onto the team, I was apprehensive about it too. I was worried about adding another body to the room and I was worried that I'd just be annoyed with someone trying be on top of my labor experience. Yosi really shared this concern. He is wonderful labor support, and I think he was concerned that he wouldn't have a role anymore, or that she was going to step on his toes. We couldn't have been more wrong. 

She helped and encouraged me to change positions, and she showed Yosi how to rub my back the right way. 

She helped me into the shower (and in the shower, and out of the shower..). 

I was really concerned about Jack and Jill during labor. They weren't always in the room, and sometimes they were, but either way I wanted them to feel comfortable and not worried. She was awesome at this too. She reassured me that they were ok, and I'm thinking she probably did quite a bit of reassuring them too. 

She held my hand when Yos had to eat something, or pee, or breath for a second.  

When I felt hot, she tracked down a fan. And I didn't even SAY that I was hot. She just knew. 

When I felt like I was going to throw up during every contraction for those last couple of hours she would bring out this magical bottle of peppermint essential oil and swing it in front of my nose and that puke-y feeling would disappear. She also had a magical bottle of lavender oil that she brought out when I started to get panicky anxious during transition and pushing. Magic I tell you. 

She was so fantastic, I simply cannot say enough wonderful things about her. I just can't. I am SO glad that Jill brought the idea of a doula into the picture and I'm SO glad we found Evie. 

FAQ 3: Ok, so what happened afterwards? Hemorrage means what and what did those hours after the birth actually entail?

It's normal to bleed a bit after delivery. After the placenta detaches, it leaves a gaping wound. Some blood is totally normal, usually the uterus will contract a bit to squeeze the vessels in the wound which limits the blood loss. My uterus didn't do that as quickly or as efficiently as it should have, which in turn caused me to lose more blood than I should have. 

Bunny was born at 3:10 and the placenta didn't wasn't delivered for at least another half hour. In that time Doc started a liter of pitocin to help my uterus contract. 

After the placenta finally appeared, a lot of blood did too. So she started another liter.

Between 4:15 and 4:30, this wasn't helping enough so she tried some cytotec. 

It looked like that was helping enough so they let me eat and rest a bit. It was about this time that I thought about showering but as soon as the nurses helped me to sit up, I nearly fainted. My ears started ringing, the room was spinning, I almost threw up, and I got really hot. No shower happening. 

After another couple of hours there was still too much bleeding happening so they did a shot of methergen and started talking about a D&C and transfusion. Scary stuff. Luckily that shot of methergen helped my uterus enough to avoid the D&C, but I had already lost well over a liter of blood and wasn't able to avoid the transfusion. 

The nurses wheeled me to a new room about 9 and started the blood transfusion then. I also had pain meds, nausea meds, and a benadryl at this time and so I slept like a rock for a few hours. 

Things continued to improve and I went home at 11 the next morning. I'm still more sluggish than before, however, I'm feeling so much better. I have never felt so sick as I did that morning. Luckily, surgery wasn't needed, and most importantly Bunny and I are both fine. 

Why did it happen? The Doc thinks it was because the baby was so big and my uterus was really distended in order to accommodate the extra size. The bigger the uterus gets the more work it has to do, and mine was just feeling lazy after delivery. 

Enough for tonight. Until next time,
Carmen

i love college.

disclaimer:

being delicate is ok. while being vast and brilliant. of course.

This post has been cooking in my head for quite awhile. I still don't know if it accurately portrays my deep appreciation I have in my heart for my college experience. 

When you have your first baby when you're 16, things are different for you. When you proceed to get married the next year, and then have another baby a year after that... things are different for you. I have so much love for my family. My heart is overwhelmed with joy because of these boys in my life. That being said, after Christian was born, there was a part of me that never really thought that I'd go to college. It was fine because I wasn't all that concerned with college, I would just go to work and enjoy my family and it would be fine. 

Three years, a wedding, and another baby later, I didn't feel that way anymore. I was unhappy with my job, my marriage surviving instead of thriving, and I was unhappy with myself. Then a day came around when I just couldn't be that person anymore. I needed a change. And that change was an education. 

Being a non-traditional student isn't easy. It's included countless late nights at the computer with coffee and a calculator. I've missed  more bedtimes than I'd like to admit. I've been a cranky wife for midterms and finals season for four semesters now. But you know what? I'm proud of myself. 

I'm proud that I go to college. I'm proud that my name is on the Dean's list. I'm proud of those grades I look at now that I never earned in high school. I'm proud that I earned a teaching assistant internship. I'm proud to have participated in some fantastic and enriching learning experiences. I'm proud to have had the opportunity to connect with some of the most interesting individuals. I'm proud that I've grown as a person. And a mom. And a wife. 

College has been such a transformative experience for me. I love the academic environment. I love being surrounded by people who have such knowledge and experience in fields that they love. I love listening to professors lecture about things they love and are passionate about. 

I love college. I love the woman it has encouraged me to become. I love that I can look at my life and say with complete honesty that I'm proud of who I'm becoming. 

I love college.

Until next time,

Carmen

FAQ

Sometimes when you're a surrogate everybody has a lot of questions for you. I'm going to try and answer some of the things I am hearing the most frequently here. I know I was always curious about the 'afterwards' part too.

FAQ 1: How are you feeling? 

Physically: Good. I'm not back to my normal self yet, but being that I delivered 11 days ago, I'd say that's ok. I'm down about 40 pounds, and am in that awkward stage where my maternity pants are too big and my normal pants are too small. I'll take it. I got SO puffy towards the end that my legs didn't even look like my own - it was almost bizarre. So lots of that weight is fluid (and the nearly ten pound baby!), but it's nice to be able to put on socks and shoes. I've still got about 20-25 pounds to get back down to where I was before I started meds, but I'm not rushing it.

Due to all the blood loss, it's taking a bit longer to get my energy back. - and I'm not even taking care of a newborn. (seriously, new moms who hemorrhage and then take their baby home - mad props to you ladies)  I get winded easily, and get tired fast. Yos and I enjoyed a shopping day out of town yesterday, and about two hours in I was done. As much as I wanted to keep going, I just couldn't. This is getting a lot better though. In those days after delivery I couldn't even shower without feeling like I was going to fall over, so shopping at all is a huge improvement. 

I'm a lot less sore. Just in general. The end of pregnancy is just a sore moment in time. Carrying all the extra weight is taxing on the body. Labor is hard work. Delivering the baby... Hard work. I'm no longer slowing down when I drive over a bump in the road, and I'm sitting a lot easier than I was a week ago. Huge improvement.

My appetite really plummeted in those days when I first got home, but it's picking back up. I'm pumping for Bunny so I need to keep my calorie intake on the higher side, and it's a still a struggle, but I'm working on it. 

Also, I'm sleeping through the night. Something that my bladder hasn't allowed in quite some time. It's pretty awesome. 

Emotionally: I feel really good. It's par for me to have a 'blah' day or two after having a baby, and sure enough that day came and went last week and I'm back to myself. Jack and Jill flew home yesterday with Bunny, and saying goodbye on Friday night was just as I expected. It was full of laughter, and tears, and joy, and a sting of "oh I'm going to miss them".. and I will. But I am SO overjoyed that after a month away from home, they are settling into their new normal with their new baby. 

I made a family. I made a woman a mom, a man a dad, and I physically grew a new life. I made dreams come true. While I'm not arrogant about it or anything, I recognize the impact I had on these lives and I feel pretty darn good about it. 

FAQ 2: Were Jack and Jill in the delivery room? Was it weird?

Yes they were, and no it wasn't. It was their baby being born. Of course I wanted them to be there. While in labor they were in and out, sometimes because I needed privacy (while in the shower, or if the nurse was doing an exam), but sometimes because they just stepped out on their own. But for the hour of pushing and delivery they were waiting patiently off to the side of the bed by the baby warmer. Don't get me wrong, I'm a modest woman, but this was their child. And honestly, at that point, I wasn't all that concerned about who was in the room. When Bunny was delivered Jill came to hold her baby while Jack cut the cord. It was in those moments that Jill's expression was.... so incredibly priceless. I can't imagine it going any other way. 

FAQ 3: So will you keep in touch with them?
Yes. Going into this experience I knew I wanted to match with a couple who wanted continued contact. I wanted to hear about how they were doing and how the baby was growing. Turns out Jack and Jill have become family and we'll carry on accordingly. I'm pretty blessed. 

FAQ 4: How are the boys doing with the whole thing?

All three are fairing well. The little boys are doing just fine. They enjoyed meeting the baby, but were not phased by the fact the Jack and Jill were the mom and dad. Yos is doing well too. For as relatively hands-off as he was in the beginning parts of this adventure, he really was such an important part of this. I can't say enough wonderful things about him... He really is something great. He had some snuggle time with Bunny and I'll bet that he squeezed Jack and Jill about as tight as I did when we parted ways. 

FAQ 5:  So seriously... You didn't want to keep the baby after delivery?

No, I seriously didn't. Being that I'd never delivered a baby for anyone else before, I thought about this moment a lot late in the pregnancy... How would it be? How would it feel to watch this little life I've come to know go right into somebody else's arms? I really just didn't know what to expect. 

It felt completely right. It only made sense. As I watched Jill hold her baby for the first time, it felt exactly right. I felt proud, and overjoyed for her, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Not only was my task delivering the baby completed, my task of growing the baby was completed too. Successfully at that. There's a gigantic responsibility us surrogates take on when we put somebody else's embryo into our uterus. The heaviness of that responsibility is real, and it's felt the entire duration of the pregnancy. As Jack and Jill held their new baby, it felt like a natural transfer of responsibility. I had done my part, and now it was their (long awaited) turn. 

I describe it this way - I was excited to meet the baby, but I didn't want the baby.

FAQ 6: So.. What now? 

This was something I was actually prepared to feel myself... But so far I have not. 

No, I will not do another surrogacy.

No, this surrogacy has not uncovered some deep hidden desire to have another baby of my own.

Honestly, I plan to have wine with dinner.
I plan on getting a tattoo. 

I plan on graduating from college next year.

I plan on enjoying a winter trip with my husband, and playing with my boys. 

I plan on doing a whole lot of stuff I had been planning on anyway. 

I guess the only thing I plan on doing that I hadn't before is donating blood (when I'm able). I was pretty ill there after delivery, and I greatly benefited from the donated blood I received. I'd like to be able to give back in that regard.

That's all for tonight. Until next time,
Carmen

the story.

So I thought I'd write up Bunny's birth story. I've never written one for either of my guys, but I thought it fitting this time around. I know when I was wanting to become a surrogate and reading every surro blog I could find, I wanted to read about how the big day actually went down.

That being said : This post is about the size of a novel. Plan accordingly. Also, I'm not going to spare many details. If this is not your thing - I respectfully advise you to move on. Check back in a few days for a post about how much I love college instead. 

from the beginning

we had an induction scheduled for 11/1.

none of us wanted to make it to that day. inductions are not fun.

Friday 10/25, I had an acupuncture appointment with a very peppy woman who has a specific acupuncture treatment to bring on labor. We'd heard lots of good things about her, and I love acupuncture so I didn't mind at all. 

The weekend came and went and there was no baby.

Monday (10/28) we had an OB appointment in the morning where the doc stripped my membranes and we had one last ultrasound. Bunny was estimated at 8lbs13oz. Big. We also nailed down the specifics for the induction on Friday.

After the OB appointment we had another acupuncture appointment - at this point I was resigning myself to the fact that we'd just wait until Friday at 8am and make the best of the induction. 

Monday night I slept like a rock (another gigantic selling point for the acupunture!), and woke up at 7 to get up and going. Christian and I had school, and Nolan was excited to play at daycare, just like any other Tuesday. I was convinced that this baby wasn't coming a minute before Friday so it only made sense to carry on with business as usual. 

As I was going about my morning I noticed that my bladder must be leaking or something. Gross I know, but I went through 2 or 3 panty liners before noon. Then it dawned on me that maybe I wasn't losing control of my bladder, but maybe it was amniotic fluid... But probably not. I'd been having contractions, but braxton hicks had been a constant in my life for the past couple of weeks so I didn't think much of it. Just to be sure, I called into the doctor and she said to come in and she'd see what was up. Well, I was in the next town over about to give a lecture on Thomas Jefferson and the faith of the founding fathers so this last minute appointment would just have to wait. I didn't call Jack, Jill, Yosi, the doula, or my mom. I figured really, it's got to be nothing, why bother?

I gave my lecture (which was fascinating I might add), and then headed back to town for my appointment.

Weight, blood pressure, pee in cup, and then pants off exam. Doc sent a swab to lab to confirm/deny the presence of fluid, and then
I sat there and waited for the results to come back. I was just kicking myself for even coming in. It was nothing, the contractions were just nothing, and this was a wasted trip. I was glad I hadn't called anyone yet because I could just keep this whole mistake to myself. 

Then the doctor walks back in and says "It's definitely amniotic fluid. Do you have your hospital bags with you?" I proceeded to ask her about 15 times if she was sure - eventually she just gave me the lab results to read for myself because I was not convinced. 

I, of course, did not have my hospital bags with me. So at this point I drive home, pack my bag, and drive myself to the hospital to get checked in. Yosi went off to pick up the guys and get them settled at grandmas before meeting me at the hospital around 4pm. 

I didn't call Jack and Jill just yet because I had a brilliantly cute idea that I'd wait until I was checked in and then text them a picture of my hospital bracelet saying "It's a beautiful day to have a baby!" - this was especially cute because the day was really dreadful and rainy and cold. I thought that they were just across the street at their hotel, but as it turns out they were also over an hour away doing some shopping.

So it ended up just being me and Yosi at the hospital for a little while as Jack and Jill rushed back to town. We talked about all sorts of stuff, mostly keeping our minds off of the long night ahead.

Doctor came in about six and really broke my water. It had been leaking for maybe twelve hours already but was still partially intact. 

It was shortly after this that Evie (the doula) and Jack and Jill arrived. The mood was still pretty light and the contractions were still not that bad and everything was going along swimmingly. Jack ran out for some grocery things and a pizza. Jill and Evie chatted in the corner and Yos kept me focused on him and our light and unimportant conversation. 

Then our we added to the party. My nurse came in and said that there was a nurse who had worked at the hospital for many years and was in the process of becoming a midwife. Would I mind if she came in to observe? Gosh, there was already so many people around... but I love me some students. So I said yes. 

And then a medical student who I'd seen a few times before poked her head in and asked if she could stick around for the event too. Of course she could join. 

Then the midwife student (Jen) checked my progress (maybe around 9) and I was a solid 7. I was really relieved that my body got the picture and was doing its job. Jen then suggested I get into the shower. The shower was good. The water was nice and the quiet was nice. It was about this time that I was ready to be done. I didn't want drugs, or a csection, I just wanted to be anywhere but there. I wanted to be at home in bed, like I usually was at that time. I wanted to be relaxing with my husband and not in the middle of labor. 

I got out of the shower and got dressed and then just stood leaning against Yos. At this point I'm not sure who was around anymore. It was maybe midnight, and then everything was hard. Standing was bad, sitting was bad, laying was bad, the shower was bad. Everything was bad. The least bad was standing so that's what we did. 

If I wasn't already convinced that my husband was the best in the whole world, I was now. He stood with me and when I asked what we were going to do tomorrow, he listed off exactly what I wanted to hear. 

*watch Boston win the world series.
*eat pie
*play with the boys
*go to bed at our normal time
     *with Lucinda (the cat)
     *and the fan on

I asked him this over and over and over again. And he responded, in that order, over and over and over again. 

Then it was time to push and this was some hard work. The room was full with Jack, Jill, Evie, Jen, the med student, the doctor, the nurse, and Yosi. It was a full house! I was most afraid of this through the whole pregnancy and now I had to just face it and get it over with. Except I was really terrified. And tired. And I wanted to be anywhere but in that hospital, doing anything but having a baby. 

I took about an hour at this. Could I have been done in 30? Sure, but I just couldn't bring myself to push that hard. But then there just wasn't a choice anymore. Lucky for me, as I asked repeatedly what we'd be doing the following day, Yosi didn't miss a beat. 

Bunny was born at 3:10 am on 10/30 weighing 9lbs8oz. Watching Jill's face as she came close to hold her baby was possibly the best thing I've ever seen in my life. She had the most priceless look.... Her face in that moment made every pregnancy discomfort, contraction, and push, worth it tens times over. 

In all of the joy, this is where I first knew something was off. The placenta was taking a really long time, and both the nurse and the midwife had a strange look on their faces. Then the doctor started some pitocin to help get things going. But we still waited quite a bit. 

At this point Jack and Jill were in the nursery with Bunny and the med student went to get some sleep before she had rounds. It was just the nurse, Evie, Doc, Midwife, and Yosi. After the placenta came out it looked like things might be fine. They started to clean me up a bit, the doctor and midwife student left, and Evie and Yosi rested. As time progressed and the first liter of pit wasn't slowing the bleeding, I started to feel crappy - nauseous, pale, shaky, cold, and just yucky. 

This is when talk began of transfusions and a possible D&C... Honestly I felt so crappy that I was more than ready to agree to anything that would  make me feel better. 

After another liter of pitocin, some cytotec, a shot of methergen, nausea meds, and pain meds the wonderful nurses cleaned me up (because I still hadn't gotten in the shower - or out of bed at all) and moved me to a recovery room to get some sleep while I got two units of blood. 

By the end of the day, I was feeling much better. I was able to shower, and get up and move (slowly) around my room. 

In the morning, I was able to walk down to the nursery to visit the new family. Boy did they look wonderful. I went home later that day and finally got some real rest in my own bed with my husband, at our normal time, with Lucinda, and the fan on. 

Until next time,
Carmen

guess what?

I had a baby yesterday!

Jack and Jill are completely overjoyed.

Baby Bunny is adjusting to life on the outside, but is getting better at it all the time.

I am recovering nicely after an unexpected post birth hemorrhage. 

Will be back to fill in the blanks soon.

fall.

Fall is in the air. It's wonderful. I love the smell. I love how it feels in the morning when I drink my coffee. I love how it feels at night (aka right now) when I drink my tea. I love how it feels in the afternoon when I take my nap (yep, still doing that). I just love it all the time. 

I am 35 weeks pregnant today. I feel like I'm 35 weeks pregnant today. Everything is going well, and I am actually feeling really good. That being said, being this pregnant makes activities of daily living a bit challenging. 

examples-

Shaving my legs... I know it's cliche, but seriously. 

I was at coffee with a friend last week. We also had muffins, of course. Some of the chocolate from my muffin dropped onto my pants up on my thigh. I can't actually see there, and I proceeded to go to a meeting with melted chocolate all over my pants. Super professional. 

Hugging/Snuggling/Making out. The belly only allows a certain amount of closeness (and it's not actually that close).

Maneuvering around in close quarters. Think bathroom stalls, the shower, even my small-ish kitchen. I just take up a lot more room than I'm used to taking, but, the belly does a great job of reminding me. 

Anyway, other than a few logistical adjustments, this pregnancy is treating me wonderfully. I am truly trying to enjoy this last little bit of it, because I know that once it's over I'm going to miss it. It's coming up close, that due date of ours. Jack and Jill will be making their way to this part of the country in the next couple of weeks to wait for the big day. I'm so excited to have them close, and I can't even describe how excited I am for them to meet their bundle of joy. Wow. What a day that will be. 

In other news, I love college. This tidbit is going to get its own post here soon, but I just have to say how grateful I am for the opportunity to earn a higher education. This opportunity has provided me with countless other opportunities I wouldn't have even dreamed of otherwise. I know lots of folks value an education, but I feel as though I really have a deep appreciation for my own college career that is not necessarily found in the hearts of all undergrads. 

It's bedtime. Until next time,

Carmen

33/40

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with Bunny.

Everything is going swimmingly.

My tummy is nice and round, and the little one hops around all day (and night).

Jack and Jill just came to visit and we had a lovely time as usual.

I really can't say enough about them, this journey, and this amazing thing I get to be a part of.

My cravings include burnt toast and ice cubes.

School is going well. 

It's hard to believe that I've been back for almost a month now.

Christian loves school too. 

He also loves soccer. And he's really good at it. And we're  kind of really proud of him.

Nolan is being three, and exercising his independence.

This is not always pleasant, but we're working through it. 

We're settling nicely into the new house. 

There is a mess in my living room and unfolded laundry in the basement to prove it.

It's almost fall and I love the cool mornings and evenings so much.

Life is good.

Until next time,

Carmen

a public service announcement:

do not tell pregnant women how big they look.

ever.

Okay so Yosi, the guys, and I were at a fiesta last night. It was fine.

Except all these women kept commenting on how big I am. 

This makes me cranky. You know what? Yes, I am big. BECAUSE I'M GROWING A HUMAN BEING.

A human that does not even belong to me. 

Pretty rad, huh? 

It's not even the surrogacy thing. I got this with my guys too, and it just baffles me every single time. What leaves me even more befuddled is that a whopping majority of these comments come from women.

Rarely will you find a man who comments negatively on a woman's size - pregnant or not - directly to her face. Why? Because it's rude. That's why. 

But for some odd reason, certain women seem to think it's completely fine to tell a pregnant woman how ginormous she has gotten. 

If this is you, please realize that it's not okay. She knows. Trust me, she knows that there is a 5 pound child occupying her entire abdominal cavity. She knows that every second of the day when she moves slower than usual. She knows it when she has to take a nap instead of go to the park, simply because the act of growing that child can be completely exhausting. She knows it when she's up for the fourth time that night to empty her teeny tiny bladder. She knows it when she's trying hard to put together a train puzzle on the floor and eventually has to look on from the couch because that baby has curled up in her ribs so high that the bones feel like they might actually snap. She knows when she goes to get dressed and... I won't even go there. 

But you know what? She doesn't mind. She gets to feel that baby rolling around and hiccuping. When she tosses and turns at night, hoping to find a comfortable way to sleep, she thinks about what wonderful things this new life will accomplish during their own time on earth. She knows that because of her sacrifice, a family will grow, and more love will come to exist in this world. 

Literally. Love that did not even exist before, will now be a part of the universe. Think about that for a second. Brand new love.

So yes, pregnant women get big. But we do not need your comments on the matter. Especially those comments designed to do nothing other than fill the air. The comments that do nothing to lift us up, but rather could only be intended to make us feel less anything less than remarkable. Because that is honestly what we are. We are over here, growing love, and all you can think to comment on is how big we look? 

Well, I think that you'd be better off saying nothing at all. 

Carmen

hi again.

when every bone in my body is screaming for this - 

the weather instead is doing this - 

sigh.

I'M BACK! 

The move left us internet-less (and cable-less, too) for a full two weeks. Talk about a serious first-world problem. Good grief I'm almost embarrassed to admit what an adjustment it was to be unconnected. Luckily, today at 10am the cable guy walked up to our front door and plugged us back in. 

WE'RE MOVED!

True to who we are and how things go in our life, the new house came to be seemingly out of thin air. After weeks of scouring the listings, driving relentlessly through town, and exploring and obsessing over every possible option, our new home was found on accident. But as soon as we found it, papers were signed, boxes were packed, and we were sleeping in the new home four nights later. We don't joke around about moving here. 

We're still getting settled, but it's coming along. Slowly but surely it is starting to feel more like home. There is more space here than we've ever had, and that is taking some getting used to, but I think it will turn out to be a welcome change. To help create a homey feeling we got a cat and brand new furniture. 

Both are helping.

SCHOOL IS BACK.

Not just for Christian anymore (but he is loving kindergarten something fierce), but my semester started a couple of weeks ago as well. So far so good. My schedule this semester is quite flexible and forgiving, which was intentional on my part. I'm glad I went out of my way to arrange it this way, because

I'M BUSY GROWING A HUMAN BEING.

Bunny is getting big, I think I am too. The number I see on the scale is the highest it's ever been in all of my life. I'm honestly not concerned, and I choose not to worry about how hard fun it's going to be to get back down to where I'm comfortable afterwards. I have the rest of my life to live thinly, and my gain is still well within the recommended limits. 

We are 31 weeks along this week! When I think that I'm due two calendar months from tomorrow, I can't hardly believe it. It's just wild that it's so close already. Am I ready? I don't know. 

I so have loved everything about this adventure. I love my relationship with Jack and Jill, I love the responsibility of growing Bunny, I love the baby wiggles and the (marginally, if that) better finger nails. 

That being said, I can hear in our phone calls how eager Jack and Jill are to hold their little bundle. I'm not uncomfortable per say, but I can't sit in one position too long anymore (especially sitting straight up - it feels like my ribs are being pried apart), I move a lot slower than usual, and I'm back to taking naps every afternoon because I'm pooped by about 2pm. 

The heat does not help.

Seriously.

I can't sleep through the night. It's not because I'm uncomfortable, it's because my bladder is the size of a grape. Though, even if this wasn't the case, Nolan would make sure to help me wake up at 2am. He's going on four......

This does nothing to improve the 2pm napping situation. 

But overall, I'm feeling really good and enjoying this last bit of this pregnancy. It really has gone so quickly.

I'LL BE BACK.

probably tomorrow or Monday so don't be worried.

Carmen

be right back.

please excuse my blogging crappiness as we settle into our new house.

 

that's right.

 

new house.

 

deep.freaking.breath.

 

be back soon.