i'll carry that.

This post comes at a perfect time. Just after my proclamation of adoration to my college career, it's important to acknowledge the other side. I love college, but it's not always bright and shiny. 

I think these feelings are applicable to lots of women these days. More women are pursuing careers outside of the home than ever. Whether out of need or desire, it doesn't matter, both are valid and honorable. That being said, it's not easy to carry the full time job of mom/wife/chef/housekeeper and carry anything else at the same time. 

It's heavy to carry multiple things at once. 

Dinner? I'll carry that.

Bedtime stories? I'll carry that. 

1200 word paper on the aspect of government I find most interesting (....seriously.)? I'll carry that. 

Meeting with a student of mine who is failing and realizes it's almost the end of the semester? I'll carry that.

9 am Kindergarten Christmas concert? I'll carry that. 

It's a juggling act, and women today are professionals jugglers. But something I'm finding is that I'm carrying more than just these tasks.

The disappointment in Christian's eyes when I have to study instead of play? I'll carry that.

The remarks on my paper that it's well thought out, but rushed? I'll carry that. 

The frustration in Yosi's voice as I call to say I'll be home late and miss dinner (again.)? I'll carry that. 

My own sinking heart as I drop Nolan off an extra day at daycare so I can catch up on school work? I'll carry that. 

Knowing that I submitted work that was less than my best because I spent the evening painting Christmas ornaments instead of working on homework all night like I my homework demanded? I'll carry that. 

There are times where it feels impossible to continue on with the current load I'm juggling. 

As long as I feel it's important to continue my career outside of the home, I'm going to juggle. And for as long as this is my reality, there are times when I just can't be everywhere all the time. And when this happens, there is disappointment from one direction or another, and always the disappointment that I have with myself for not actually having super powers. I'll carry that, too. 

Until next time,
Carmen