have I told you lately?: firstborn.

I think there is always something about your firstborn. Don't get me wrong here I love both of my boys so very much - but there is a certain something different about the first child.. He is the link. The piece that brought everything together. He made me a mother.

Before I met Christian I was just kind of going about. Wandering around - stumbling over this and that. Life was fine, but it wasn't quite right. I was not the greatest teenager ever - in fact I'm surprised my mother ever put with me. As I've said before, I never thought I wanted any children. The thought of another life depending on me scared me to death (sometimes I still does a little - hey it's kind of a big deal).

When I was pregnant I decided that I would read absolutely everything I could find on parenting. I figured that this child at least deserved parents who knew what the heck they were doing. So I read and read and read. I learned a lot about breastfeeding, and car seat safety, and baby proofing your home. But there was still something missing. I didn't really know how I was going to be a mother - I mean I didn't even know this baby and how could I be sure that I would know how to really love a child like a mother does.

Well, then I met Christian. After a long 29 hours of labor a nurse placed this tiny bundle of blankets in my arms. I looked at him. He looked at me. We knew each other perfectly. Everything else that I was so worried about just seemed to fall into place. I knew in that moment that the love that a mother has for her son does not need to be learned, it just is. It can't be taught in a book or a parenting class. It is infinite. It was always there, just waiting for him.

I am getting all sentimental and lovey because my little (big) man will be going to junior kindergarten this year. I was sitting here this morning filling out his school paperwork and it took me back to when he was just a tiny bundle of blankets.