be right back.

please excuse my blogging crappiness as we settle into our new house.

 

that's right.

 

new house.

 

deep.freaking.breath.

 

be back soon.

life lately.

Am I the only person who finds this completely thrilling? Everyone has something to bring to the table. Every. Single. Person.

life lately

I'm bad at blogging. Sorry.

Bunny is growing! I am too. Jill was just in town for our 28 (!) week appointment and all looks great with the little hopper.

I passed my glucose test with FLYING colors. I was (overly) concerned about it, but it turns out that my body metabolizes sugar like a rockstar. I do have a low iron count - easily fixed with a supplement.

We are still living in our current house, while obsessively actively looking for a new home. This is hard work I tell ya. Maybe not as much hard, as stressful and emotionally draining.

Luckily, my husband is the best person ever and says things like "Let's just have some faith and take a deep breath." and "There is no wrong decision here, whichever place we call home will be the right one."

Clearly, I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

Christian starts kindergarten this week... I'm still not exactly sure how this happened, but evidently he is school-aged now and we are going to be people with a school-aged kid The all-day, every-day, eat-lunch-in-the-cafeteria, kind of school. He's ecstatic. I'm trying not to hyperventilate.

I start school next week. 

I'm excited.

 I'm trying to be excited.

 Okay, so I'm really trying not to be upset that summer has gone so quickly and now it's supposed to be my favorite time of year and we don't yet know where we're going to be residing.

I'm trying not to be upset that while I would normally be reveling in the delight of school supply shopping, and reviewing my course load, and preparing for my internship, I am instead scouring real estate listings, and waiting on call backs from potential housing prospects, and slowly packing our things.

I'm trying not to be upset that my tiny big guy even has to entertain anything in his beautiful little head other than starting a new chapter of his life. A new chapter at a new school, with new friends, a new teacher, and a new routine. That's a big enough deal, and I'm trying really really hard not to be upset that he also has to deal with move to a new house too.

Being upset does no good. And in reality, it's just a house. A container. We're all healthy and fine. We are not in financial crisis. We still have a reasonable amount of time, and at the end of the day, after all of my worrying, I am positive that all is going to be fine. Because it will be. This is just not -- at all -- how I pictured this particular time.

So, I'm trying hard to overlook that, just live and be grateful for this exciting time in our lives. Because, truly, it is exciting and wonderful. And when my boys are grown and I think back on the beginning of this whole school-aged kid thing, this housing situation will be something that's casually mentioned as a part of the background in the story.

 We'll chuckle about the poor timing (heat of summer, right before school starting, and pregnant of course) and sudden shortage of suitable homes. I'll laugh about how obnoxiously anxious I was about the whole thing, even though I'm an old pro at moving. Yosi will (someday) admit that he was a nervous wreck too, but he kept it together because he knew that one of us had to be calm and reasonable, and it very clearly was not going to be me. And I'd even be willing to bet, that the boys won't hardly remember the specific circumstances of the move.

It's just part of the background story. That's all.

Until next time,

Carmen

mice.

I wish there was mice here.

I hate mice. I'm terrified of those little critters. It's a completely irrational fear, this I understand, but I would rather hang out with 100 spiders before crossing paths with a single mouse. 

I really hate mice. 

But I wish I could here them in my walls. Or see their disgusting little tails scurrying along the floor in my basement.

Then maybe I would actually want to leave this house. 

We have to move. Again. We just moved in here in December, and I love this house. I love it's charm. I love the size, and the yard, and the kitchen, and I love the big picture window, and I love the flower beds out front, and I love how it's cozy but not ridiculously small. 

We are renting this house from a woman who has evidently run into some serious financial trouble. The more I learn about her situation, the sadder I am for her. And for us too, because it means that we have to leave this house.

I really dislike moving. I dislike it even more when I don't yet know where I'm moving to. 

I really dislike uprooting my family from a home that we love, and had intended to make our own. 

Sigh.

I wish there was mice here. 

enjoying.

What a handsome group of guys, eh?

I mean really.

I took above photo over the weekend on an evening fishing trip. Do I love fishing? Not particularly, but I don't hate it either. Yosi really enjoys it, and the boys are just tickled when they get to go along. All of that combined with the lovely setting, fresh air, and plentiful snacks we bring along, it's a fun way to spend a beautiful afternoon.

I feel as though summer is going quickly. Too quickly almost. But then I hear that little voice in my head taunting me with football, soccer games, school (for me, and for Christian!), the pumpkin patch, weather that I want to eat up with a spoon, crunchy leaves, and cider... That's when I think that time is going at an appropriate rate. 

What else does fall bring? A baby. For Jack and Jill, of course. I'm not yet at that point where I'm ready to be done. I'm just not. I'm not miserably uncomfortable, I'm still sleeping relatively well (thanks again to Jack and Jill for the AMAZING pregnancy pillow!), I'm getting around well, and overall I'm just enjoying this pregnancy. Maybe the enjoyment is easier to find because this is surely my last pregnancy to enjoy?

About that - 

Yosi pulled a prank on me the other day. We were laying in bed when he said, "maybe we should think about having another baby.." Obviously I start laughing. Between my cackles of laughter I snort out "You can't be serious!". He assures me that he really does think we should at least think about it. 

Ummmm. In my head I'm still laughing, but it's swirling quickly into a panic. I'm thinking that he has really been pushing for us to get a dog, which I am adamantly against. Now he wants a baby? I don't want one of those either. Hell, he probably wants a baby and a dog. DO WE EVEN HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON AT ALL? we had a plan. we had dreams. we just bought a car without third row seating. we can go on trips and not worry about what to do with a dog. a trip for a family of four that we probably won from the radio station. dogs don't even like me. my life is spiraling out of control. 

Then, Yosi starts laughing and I look over and can tell that he was just pulling my leg and he knows that I am about to have a heart attack. Deep freaking breath. 

What about another surrogacy? 

I get this question a lot. Up until recently I just hemmed and hawed over it.. "Oh, we'll see!". That is not my response anymore. My answer is a confident and happy, "Nope, this is it!". Then I get a bunch of people who assume that I've hated the experience, have turned into an emotional wreck, have a terrible/nonexistent relationship with my intended parents, and/or want to make a lifetime movie and keep the baby.

It is so much the opposite of any of the above. 

I have LOVED this experience. I LOVE my intended parents and the relationship we have built. I DO NOT want to keep Bunny, and I feel ecstatic about watching Jack and Jill take their baby home. 

I went into this surrogacy thing for an experience. I wanted to help create a family. I wanted to experience another pregnancy. I wanted to be a part of something so much bigger than myself. I will have done all of that, and in an adventure that certainly could not be matched. I feel like trying to top this experience will only leave me disappointed, and that is not the flavor of surrogacy I want left in my mouth. I will relish all that this experience has to offer, and I will always keep this chapter of my life close to my heart, because it truly has been life changing. That being said, when this chapter comes to an end, I will reread it with shining eyes and a glowing heart, and then I will close it and move onto the next great part of what life holds. 

Until next time,

Carmen

pause.

the summer sun has gotten the best of my blogging ability as of late. 

be back soon. 

popsicles and forgetting.

I went grocery shopping this evening. This is what I bought. 

Yesterday evening Yosi was out and about, and I was home with the guys tucked into bed when I had a brief moment of pregnancy induced insanity with the thought that if I ran to the store really quick for popsicles the boys wouldn't even notice I was out. I opted to eat a bag of frozen blueberries and not risk it. 

I obviously made up for that deprivation with today's purchases.

Bunny and I had a checkup today. I'm happy to report that we're both doing well. My blood pressure was 106/70, I gained 4 pounds in the past 4 weeks, and Bunny's heartrate was perfect at 145. When doc went to measure my uterus, she checked, and then re-checked before saying that I'm measuring about four weeks ahead! Ack. 

The scientist in me starts freaking out about excessive amniotic fluid, kidney abnormalities, and a host of other possible complications. She sent me down the hall for an ultrasound and, thank goodness, all is well. Fluid is good, kidneys are good, and Bunny is growing perfectly. Weighing in at an estimated 1lb8oz (the 69th percentile), I let out a huge sigh of relief. It's not like the babe is measuring extra giant - just slightly above average. Perfect. 

Doc did notice that the umbilical cord attaches to the placenta on the edge, opposed to the center. It's called Marginal Cord Insertion, and is nothing to be alarmed about. She said the main concern lies in the baby not getting big enough towards the end of the pregnancy. We obviously don't have this problem right now, so she's just going to keep an eye on it with a few extra ultrasounds. Easy enough. 

Jill, of course, was my first phone call on the way out of the clinic. It worked out very well that she had just gotten off the phone with the Doctor, and was about to call me! We discussed Bunny's progress, the non-worrying non-issue with the cord, and an overall quick chat. Boy, I love catching up with her- Jack too :) 

In other news, I am reeeaaaaaallly forgetful these days. Not even the funny/cute kind. The I lost my new phone kind. The phone I had to buy because two months ago I put my phone on the top of the car and *forgot* it was there before driving away. Sigh.

I am not an overly organized person. Just ask my mom, she'll tell you. I may not alphabetize my kitchen cupboards, but I do NOT like feeling like I'm in a constant state of disarray either. Seriously, I can't keep track of anything. Next thing you know I'm going to post about how I accidentally left one of the boys in the freezer aisle of the market during a popsicle run. 

I'm knocking on some wood, and if you would please knock on some for me too....

Until next time,

Carmen

life lately.

it reads:

WARNING
reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of beauty

I found this sticker stuck to a bathroom mirror in the Chicago O'Hare airport. (hey, bathroom photos like this are ok. Right...?) Eh, while the ethics behind bathroom photos are up for debate, I kind of love this sticker. It is so incredibly true. 

life lately  

I'm hungry all the time. seriously.

Bunny wiggles about lots at night, but is still relatively quiet most of the day. the placenta is anterior however, and that can (and is) muffle lots of movement until babe is big enough to pack a real punch.

I'm hungry all the time.

I'm still sleeping well, but I have craaazy dreams nearly every night.

The guys and I are living in the sun these days, and I love it. so do they.

A trip to the pool over the weekend left me with a sunburnt tummy. I put sunscreen on religiously, but must have forgot the belly because it was pretty red for a day or two. which brings me to my next point.

I'm forgetting stuff quite often. It's embarrassing.

I'm ravenously hungry pretty much all the time.

I worked a full shift a couple days ago and by the end of my shift I was so.done. I was spent, tired, and my hips were achy.  I am NOT complaining, but I think I will stick to half shifts as much as possible.

I have started noticing some Braxton Hicks contractions in the evenings, or when I've been busier than I should be. A tall glass of water and putting my feet up serves as a cure-all. This is not abnormal for me in pregnancy, but they sure make my belly look funny.

I'm constantly hungry. But I can't get enough ice water either. If you know me you know this is odd because I prefer all of my beverages at room temperature. Coffee? I let it sit until it's lukewarm. Water? From the tap in a glass sans ice. Not these days! Ice in everything, the colder the better.

I caught myself looking at some good reading material for my research internship this fall. I may or may not have purchased said book(s) though school is still a good six weeks out...

Well it's time for bed, but not before I find myself a good snack to hold Bunny and I over until morning.

Until next time,

Carmen