about caring.

I think the above photo is adorable and would look great in my house. It's something that I'll consider crafting, but I'll end up buying something like it a Hobby Lobby already made. I don't feel that guilty, because really a girl can only do so much.

All is good here. Bunny gave us a scare at our appointment last week by hiding out during the ultrasound. My favorite ultrasound lady and I were both close to tears when we found the little bugger with a beautiful beating heart. sigh.of.relief. 

I am feeling good some days and sick some days. Sometimes both in the same day. Our Easter holiday was lovely. I love love love weekends, there is such a fun air on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It's so nice having Yosi home, sleeping in (until 7:30!), lounging with the guys, and spending time outside. I just love the feeling of those days. 

Add in a holiday and I'm in heaven. We had a fun morning finding Easter eggs outside, a nice lunch at home, and dinner with my in-laws. It was a great day.

I worked a bit this weekend, and people at work always have a lot of questions about the surrogacy. I really don't mind answering questions - I'd rather have people ask than speculate. That being said, there are questions I like more than others. One I don't particularly love (but get asked quite often) is -

"Don't you think you'll get attached to the baby and want to keep it?"

This one is hard to answer because I either sound completely heartless, or semi-unstable. 

The answer is a resounding no.

I don't want this baby at all. If I wanted another baby for myself, I would have made one with my husband - it's a lot easier. I am over the baby thing. Our sons are 3 and 5 and the very thought of having a newborn in the house again makes me want to cry. Not happy tears. We have two children, and that is the exact number we wanted. We don't need third row seating in our vehicles, we don't need the big tables when we go out to eat, and when radio stations give away vacations it's usually for a family of four. Perfect. 

Now, that does not mean I'm not attached to this baby whatsoever. That is simply not realistic. I absolutely care for this baby, I am protective of her well-being and I want nothing but the best for this little one. I am thrilled to be taking care of Bunny for right now, but she already has a Mom and Dad that love her dearly. 

To summarize, I do care for the baby, but not in a motherly way. I'm not attached in a sense where I want to take the baby home, but rather in a way that I am honored and excited to provide Bunny with a temporary home until she's ready for her Mom and Dad. I don't look at it as giving the baby away (another thing I hear a lot), to me, it's giving the baby back where she has belonged all along. 

**For the sake of readability, in this post I referred to Bunny as a girl. We do not know the gender of the baby.**

Until next time,

Carmen