the dance we do.

I am so excited to say that Jack and Jill are expecting one healthy little bun! The bun is officially named Bunny. Okay so that's only what I'm calling the little one, but still. Cute, right? Last week Jill flew to town and we spent a lovely weekend waiting for our Monday morning appointment to see what was cooking. We got there bright and early and it was such a special appointment to share with Jill. I was overjoyed to see that all was going well with Bunny, but the look on Jill's face as she looked at the ultrasound screen trumped all else. I wish that when people ask why I chose to do this, I could show them the amazement she had in her eyes as she got to take a peek at the baby she has waited her lifetime for. 

I'm feeling tired. I'm taking (and sometimes creating) every nap opportunity that I can find. Going to bed early, and stealing a few more quiet moments through the day. Food and I have a love/hate relationship. In my last post I talked about pie and popsicles... those now make my stomach turn. It's so funny how what I want to eat changes multiple times per day! Other than that I am just reveling in the fact that this worked and Bunny is hopping away in there - already over .5 centimeters long!

In other and much sadder news, a very special family member has recently learned that his cancer has returned. It is now inoperable, and there will not be a cure this time. I talk a bit about him in this post. This news has been devastating to all of us, and lots of times I feel like it can't be real. The cancer can't really be back. It can't really be un-curable. He can't really have to have chemo for the rest of his life. And that life can't really only consist of 6-12 more months. 

How profoundly unfair.

He is young. And has a wife of 30 years. And children who need him. And granddaughters who need to know about mile-marker math.

Profoundly unfair.

I am growing a new life. A longed for, hoped for, dreamed about, planned-for-far-too-long, little tiny life. I am so blessed to be a part of this process with Jack and Jill. At the same time, someone I love so very dearly is fighting for his life. His well-lived, joyful, selfless, going-to-be-far-too-short life is being taken too soon by this terrible cancer. 

It is dance we do with the life we live. Flirting with that fine line of overwhelming delight, and the kind of sorrow that brings you to your knees. It's a beautiful dance, but only in the way that this dance is what keeps life going. Only in the way that this dance is what connects all of us as people. People who love people. People who know what it's like to hear someone you love tell you that they aren't going to win it this time. People who come out on the other side and prove that somehow I will too. This dance we do unites us all, it lies at the very heart of the human condition.  

So it is only fitting that this is the dance I'm doing. Surely enough, true to who I am, I am going to soak it all in. Love that my jeans are snug, my eyes are heavy, and the fact I get to hang out with Bunny until s/he is big enough to go home with Jack and Jill. Cherish the time I do have with my uncle, enjoy the moments and create lasting memories to carry in my heart. And soak in all of the sadness because it's part of this life. 

Take in this dance we do, because it's what makes me human.

Carmen