short.

Today was quite the day. I don't feel too frazzled too often. Today I felt super frazzled. Good thing we learned about Gandhi in my religion class today. He was a zen fellow.

I have been working a lot. And studying alot. And of course the whole mom/wife/surrogate thing too. The blog has been neglected this week. Next week will be a bit better. Promise.

Also, I need a haircut. My hair is at that length where everyday is a bad hair day and that is not good for anyone.

Be back soon,
Carmen



hey, how are your ovaries?

I have posted previously about my obnoxious optimism. It's still there. I think this quote is awesome. Mr. Dahl obviously knew the power of positivity.

Today is Thursday. What!? I feel like it was just Sunday, and now the weekend is almost here again. This week has been busy.

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment to make sure that my medication is working properly. I went for bloodwork and then had an ultrasound to check on my ovaries. During the ultrasound the tech could not find my left ovary. It was hiding. After much prodding she finally found it, and saw that it had a follicle hanging out in it. This is not what we wanted.

I am taking the morning lupron injections for the sole purpose of quieting my ovaries. So as I left the appointment I was freaking out. I right away called my nurse coordinator (NC) at the fertility clinic and got her voicemail. Figures. I called Jill and filled her in too. I felt awful. I feel like the least my body can do is respond appropriately to these meds. And while I logically know that there wasn't anything I did wrong, it was tough to call and tell her that things were all the sudden 'iffy'.

The NC called back and told me that we would not know anything until my estrogen levels came in. More waiting. She wanted the number below 100. It was 53. Thank Goodness. I took the most ginormous deep breath after hearing that the cycle was not scrapped. It was just fine. There is just a dud follicle lingering in my ovary. No. Big. Deal.

It was a nerve wracking day. It did not help that I was going on nearly zero sleep. This happened due to a scheduling flop on my part. Oh well, no more overnights for this gal for awhile. They are just too tough.

So, now it's time to really get ready for the transfer week which is coming up soon. Can't believe it! I was talking to Jill yesterday and it dawned on me that I have about 518 things to get done before I go. School stuff, home stuff, work stuff, kid stuff. I'm going to be plenty busy in the upcoming weeks, but that's quite alright. It makes life interesting.

Until next time,
Carmen



whining/big picture

 

 

I love this. I've been thinking about this quite a bit and it makes so much sense.

 

 

I have been so productive today it's almost unbelievable. I'm talking about four loads of laundry and some fall cleaning in the bedrooms and closets. And I made it to the gym. That is a lot of stuff.

 

I wish I could report that my lupron injections have been getting easier now that I am used to them, but it is simply not true. The first one was the easiest I think, and I'm pretty sure it's because I was so stinking excited to finally be at that point in this adventure. Yesterday I spent 20 minutes pacing in my bedroom holding the syringe. The spot was wrong. The lighting was bad. I didn't use the alcohol pad correctly. My nose was running. You name it, it ran through my head as a reason to wait another minute. It basically comes down to the fact that I am a chicken and was terrified that it was going to be the most painful thing on Earth. I had a really hard time.

 

It's not even that they are too painful. But still. Luckily, today was better. It's when I over think it that it ends up hurting. That is because I go soo slow that it actually does sting more than it should. Today I made a conscious effort to make it faster and it helped a lot.

 

I am done whining about that now.

 

Things are getting so close now! Jack and Jill are starting to talk about flight plans.. So exciting! It really has been such a multi-step adventure, to think we are nearing the step of actually transferring is almost surreal. This whole time that is what we all have been working toward, but when the 'pre-game' list is so long it is just easier to focus on what's next - opposed to the big picture.

 

Big picture is right around the corner folks, and I can't wait.

 

Until next time,

Carmen



joy.

 

It is the weekend! It's is beautiful outside, and it almost smells like fall. I am in love.

I was planning on telling a long tale about psych evals and contract reviewing, but instead I'm not.

 That's kind of a funny thing about a journey like this, it's always there, always a part of your thoughts. I have this excitement, and strong sense of hope in my heart. After knowing Jack and Jill for a relatively short amount of time, I feel as though we have been friends for years - and I am excited for them to become parents.

All the while, life is still happening. Christian is still loving school and soccer. I am adjusting to all of my classes. Nolan is fully potty-trained, and as mischievous and adventurous as ever. Yosi is working hard at his job, but enjoying the nice evening weather.

Things are wonderfully the same. I love that. We don't live in a very big house, but it's cozy and warm. We've been here for a little over two years and that's the longest I've ever lived in one place in my whole life. I love that too.

I feel such a sense of joy these days. I am busier than ever, but it's fun. Between weekly doctor appointments, my classes, getting the boys where they needs to go, keeping my laundry (somewhat) done, and working sometimes, I have a more going on now than ever before. My days seem so short sometimes, and it truly is humbling.

I am so fortunate to have the time to spend doing all the things I do. It is wonderful to be home more this year, to be able to take on more in my family life - opposed to school life. And not only my family, but I also have the honor of helping grow Jack and Jill's family too. How lucky is that? 

This was kind of a mix-match post, more just some thoughts thrown down. I am the boss lady of this blog - so that's ok.

Until next time,
Carmen

injection #1.

just some of my many medications.

As I mentioned last time, being a gestational surrogate (which I am now going to call gestational carrier aka GC) is not an overnight happening. I first spoke with Jack and Jill in April. It is now September and I'm just getting started on the med protocol for a October transfer. During the summer, we met in person, had preliminary appointments, and played hurry up and wait with the insurance company and attorneys.

Now that transfer is really coming up soon, all the fun medicine starts. First, the fertility clinic put me on a birth control pill to be able to control and manipulate my cycle. I've been on that for about a month now, and today I started two more meds.

Dexamethasone is a low dose oral steriod that acts as an anti-inflamatory agent to help the embryo sick to the uterine lining and prevent my body from attacking it as a foreign object.

Lupron is used to decrease my estrogen level and quiet my ovaries to prevent ovulation. This is injected into the skin on my belly.

 

I was feeling really confident about my first shot. I was excited! I washed my hands, drew up the liquid, swabed down the spot on my tummy where I was going to give the shot. That's when the nerves hit me. It all the sudden felt so real. I was standing there in my bedroom holding a needle to my belly. Ack! I did an unknown number of  '1..2..3..ok wait', before I could actually do it. But in went the needle, and I barely felt the poke at all.

 

here is a before shot. excuse the bedhead.

 

So all in all it was successful. I think I'll adjust just fine to doing these everyday for the next couple of weeks.

 

That's my tiny update for today, I think tomorrow I'll enlighten you with all of the fun associated with psych evals, pokey lawyers.

 

Until next time,

Carmen







by the way.

*this is lengthy*

 

 

 

So blogland friends, I've got news. I already know that by looking at that tiny foot you are thinking that I'm going to say that I'm pregnant. This is not true. Yet.

 

I'm going to (hopefully) be getting pregnant. But! I am not going to be having any more children. I am going to be a gestational surrogate.

 

Wait. What?

 

First of all, let me explain what that even means. A gestational surrogate is a woman who becomes pregnant through In Vitro Fertilization, with an embryo that is genetically unrelated to the surrogate herself. She carries the baby, and delivers the baby for his or her parents.

 

How on Earth did I ever think of doing this? Well, to be honest I first read about surrogacy in an article in Glamour magazine quite a few years ago. At the time I was busy making my own family, so I just kept the idea sitting in my head. Last year, it came back to the front of my head. I brought my idea to Yosi, and he sat with it for quite some time. After learning more about surrogacy, and seeing how serious I was about pursuing it he jumped right on board.

 

Well... then what? Well, that's when I started actively trying to find a family to help. I was shocked to realize how many couples struggle with infertility. Enter, Jack and Jill.

 

* a word about privacy before we move on * Jack and Jill are clearly not their real names. I highly value their privacy and will refer to the intended father as Jack, and the intended mother as Jill. Instead of a pail of water, we are all on a journey to fetch a baby. I also will not be using specific dates or places. I ask that those of you who I know personally will also respect their privacy by not leaving such details your comments.

 

How does this actually work? I first connected with Jack and Jill in the spring. We exchanged many emails and phone calls. During the summer, Yosi and I were lucky enough to have them here for a weekend. It was so wonderful to be able to sit down and talk and really get to know each other.

 

While there are so many factors to consider, it seemed as if there wasn't even a question. I knew that these would be the people I would help. They are the most caring, warm and fuzzy, down to Earth people. They will make such fantastic parents, and I am incredibly honored to the in the position to help make that happen.

 

Since deciding to move forward there has been lots and lots of legwork. I will make various posts in the near future about certain big events of the pre-game happenings, but it's safe to say that it's busy and boring and incredibly important all at the same time.

 

     So where are we now? We are actually getting very close to the embryo transfer. Before the procedure there is a lengthy medication protocol that I have been plucking away at. This includes pills, shots, gels, and lots of doctor appointments and blood draws.

 

Next month, after spending these next few weeks getting my body all hospitable, I will fly to East Coast for somewhere around five days. The transfer itself takes about four minutes, but the following days are best spent lying in bed and eating pineapple (more on that later). After that, I'll fly back home and ten days later I'll go in for a blood test to see whether I am in fact pregnant. If so, I will be pregnant just the same way I was with the boys. I will have doctor appointments at my local clinic and deliver at my local hospital.

 

This is a lot to take in, so I'm going to leave it here for now. Don't worry though, I am going to make it a point to document this journey from start to finish. I think it will be a great way to share the journey with those who are far away, with Jack and Jill, and with those interested in gestational surrogacy.

 

Until next time,

Carmen



grocery list.. what's that?

Fall is in the air. But only in the mornings. Mornings are cool, but today it is supposed to be 90 by 3pm. Oh well, at least it's a start.

I'm so glad that fall is starting to show her face, but that means that I have a gazillion things to do at any given moment. My current list looks kind of like this.

- homework
- find Christian 3 things to fill the show-and-tell bag with for school
- soccer practice
- homework
- dinner
     -which then means there has to be groceries to shop for
- laundry
- homework
- making sure Christian is to school, on time, with a full belly, looking handsome.
    - making sure Christian is picked up from school, on time.
- homework
- keep Nolan happy as a clam, and out of mischief.

Now hear me out, I'm not whining. At all. I love the camaraderie.

The past few weeks have also served as a huge learning experience. I have so much respect for moms, I always have, but it has recently taken on a new level.

When kids are little, they kind of fit into your schedule. You can tote them around and run errands or go to the grocery store. It's easy to change plans because they just go with the flow. I'm that kind of person. Just going with the flow most of the time. I know what needs to be done, but there is no real plan on how it's going to happen. It just does.

Then all the sudden, your kid has a schedule of his own. Gone are the days where we (as a family) could just do whatever, whenever. Now Christian has places to be. It has been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least. BUT, I am getting better and more efficient. There are moms out there who have this juggle down to a science, and kudos to you! Send me your tricks!

Gone are the days when it was 5pm and I would linger over to the grocery to get stuff for dinner. That simply won't work right now. This is strange for me, because for as long as I've been living I have made it a point to resist all kinds of planning ahead. This sounds ridiculous I know, but it has worked wonderfully for me. But it is time to put that attitude away (for now, so don't think for a second that the value of a minute has changed one bit) and become more prepared for the sake of family time, and my own sanity.

I'll let you know how it goes,
Carmen



work. hard.

If you have been pacing back and forth, wringing your hands, and frantically refreshing your browser worrying that I may have fallen off the face of the Earth - fear not. All is well. I have not gotten lost, or even worse, forgotten about the blog.

I have gotten busy.

I am no longer a lady of leisure. I actually have stuff. Stuff that I have to get done. This type of homework stuff has been keeping me busy this past couple of days. But, I am working hard and crossing things off my never ending to-do list.

I will be back Saturday (promise) to go enlighten you all about my first week of school, my first week of soccer practice (that's right), and my sudden lack of free time.

Until then,
Carmen