sometimes you're a surrogate. six months later.

Coming up next week will be Bunny's six month birthday. What?!

I can't even believe that it has been half a year already. Let me tell you, it's a strange feeling. There are days when I can't believe it's been six months already, but there are other days where it feels so far removed from my current day-to-day activities that it seems like it has been so much longer. 

I've thought about how I would write this half-year check up, and I've started it multiple times and then erased and restarted. Shockingly, I'm not often short on words, but writing about my surrogacy sometimes leaves me searching for just the right way to say things. There is so much to say, so much to talk about... it often feels too overwhelming to try to pinpoint the experience into words. It feels limiting to even try. But you all know that I'm always up for a good challenge. 

I've decided to to a series here on the blog, to chronicle the journey in retrospect. I did a fairly good job checking in about the pregnancy and delivery, but I thought I'd dig in a little bit and give a fuller picture about the depth of the journey. It only makes sense that I'll call the series Sometimes You're a Surrogate. So those entries will be coming soon, but for today I've got a broad rundown of the six month milestone. 

six months later I am feeling wonderful.

this applies to emotionally and physically.

my energy levels are better than ever and my post-partum complications are long resolved. 

emotionally I am wonderfully content.

my body is returning to its un-pregnant shape, more importantly though, I have an abundance of newly found appreciation for my body and its capabilities.

my relationship with Jack, Jill, and Bunny is so much more than I ever could have expected.
we text often, talk on the phone, and facetime here and there, and I so cherish all three.

life at home with the guys is great, and they love seeing pictures of Bunny and hearing Jack and Jill talk about their new baby.

lately I've had a few experiences when I get to talk about my surrogacy with people who didn't know about it, and it's just as fun as I thought it would be.

as it turns out, I'm enjoying not being pregnant more than I anticipated. don't get me wrong, it was fantastic while it lasted but it is so fun to have my body back to myself.

except I saw a teeeeny tiiiiiny baby at a restaurant when we were having dinner the other night and it kind of made my uterus ache.

but it wasn't anything so serious that a glass of wine couldn't cure it.

during my surrogate pregnancy I frequented an online surrogacy forum, afterwards I still kept up with it fairly often. as of lately though, I have noticed that I don't log on as often as I used to. while not a huge deal, it reminds me that the adventure now lies in the past and I'm continuing to move forward.

the beauty of the adventure permeates into my daily life still, and I think it always will. that being said, moving forward is the tune I'm marching to these days.

what do I mean by this? well, after an endeavor as life-changing as surrogacy, I was so deeply steeped into the journey that it flooded into my daily life, even when it really didn't anymore. that disconnect was odd and it felt funny in my life. as time has elapsed, that disconnect is fading quickly into this pride and joy that sit still in my heart. it no longer feels as though it's a big secret I carry in my pocket, but more like a highlighted poem written down in a journal.

this experience so special, and so much a part of who I am, but it's ok to let it separate from the surface of my days. it won't go anywhere.

this is largely what doing this series is about, for me, anyway. by bringing my experiences out to be written and read, it brings them out to a space where I recognize that I can let these memories peek out from my heart and soul, while disregarding the irrational fear that they'll sneak away forever.

until next time,
Carmen