enjoying.

What a handsome group of guys, eh?

I mean really.

I took above photo over the weekend on an evening fishing trip. Do I love fishing? Not particularly, but I don't hate it either. Yosi really enjoys it, and the boys are just tickled when they get to go along. All of that combined with the lovely setting, fresh air, and plentiful snacks we bring along, it's a fun way to spend a beautiful afternoon.

I feel as though summer is going quickly. Too quickly almost. But then I hear that little voice in my head taunting me with football, soccer games, school (for me, and for Christian!), the pumpkin patch, weather that I want to eat up with a spoon, crunchy leaves, and cider... That's when I think that time is going at an appropriate rate. 

What else does fall bring? A baby. For Jack and Jill, of course. I'm not yet at that point where I'm ready to be done. I'm just not. I'm not miserably uncomfortable, I'm still sleeping relatively well (thanks again to Jack and Jill for the AMAZING pregnancy pillow!), I'm getting around well, and overall I'm just enjoying this pregnancy. Maybe the enjoyment is easier to find because this is surely my last pregnancy to enjoy?

About that - 

Yosi pulled a prank on me the other day. We were laying in bed when he said, "maybe we should think about having another baby.." Obviously I start laughing. Between my cackles of laughter I snort out "You can't be serious!". He assures me that he really does think we should at least think about it. 

Ummmm. In my head I'm still laughing, but it's swirling quickly into a panic. I'm thinking that he has really been pushing for us to get a dog, which I am adamantly against. Now he wants a baby? I don't want one of those either. Hell, he probably wants a baby and a dog. DO WE EVEN HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON AT ALL? we had a plan. we had dreams. we just bought a car without third row seating. we can go on trips and not worry about what to do with a dog. a trip for a family of four that we probably won from the radio station. dogs don't even like me. my life is spiraling out of control. 

Then, Yosi starts laughing and I look over and can tell that he was just pulling my leg and he knows that I am about to have a heart attack. Deep freaking breath. 

What about another surrogacy? 

I get this question a lot. Up until recently I just hemmed and hawed over it.. "Oh, we'll see!". That is not my response anymore. My answer is a confident and happy, "Nope, this is it!". Then I get a bunch of people who assume that I've hated the experience, have turned into an emotional wreck, have a terrible/nonexistent relationship with my intended parents, and/or want to make a lifetime movie and keep the baby.

It is so much the opposite of any of the above. 

I have LOVED this experience. I LOVE my intended parents and the relationship we have built. I DO NOT want to keep Bunny, and I feel ecstatic about watching Jack and Jill take their baby home. 

I went into this surrogacy thing for an experience. I wanted to help create a family. I wanted to experience another pregnancy. I wanted to be a part of something so much bigger than myself. I will have done all of that, and in an adventure that certainly could not be matched. I feel like trying to top this experience will only leave me disappointed, and that is not the flavor of surrogacy I want left in my mouth. I will relish all that this experience has to offer, and I will always keep this chapter of my life close to my heart, because it truly has been life changing. That being said, when this chapter comes to an end, I will reread it with shining eyes and a glowing heart, and then I will close it and move onto the next great part of what life holds. 

Until next time,

Carmen

pause.

the summer sun has gotten the best of my blogging ability as of late. 

be back soon. 

popsicles and forgetting.

I went grocery shopping this evening. This is what I bought. 

Yesterday evening Yosi was out and about, and I was home with the guys tucked into bed when I had a brief moment of pregnancy induced insanity with the thought that if I ran to the store really quick for popsicles the boys wouldn't even notice I was out. I opted to eat a bag of frozen blueberries and not risk it. 

I obviously made up for that deprivation with today's purchases.

Bunny and I had a checkup today. I'm happy to report that we're both doing well. My blood pressure was 106/70, I gained 4 pounds in the past 4 weeks, and Bunny's heartrate was perfect at 145. When doc went to measure my uterus, she checked, and then re-checked before saying that I'm measuring about four weeks ahead! Ack. 

The scientist in me starts freaking out about excessive amniotic fluid, kidney abnormalities, and a host of other possible complications. She sent me down the hall for an ultrasound and, thank goodness, all is well. Fluid is good, kidneys are good, and Bunny is growing perfectly. Weighing in at an estimated 1lb8oz (the 69th percentile), I let out a huge sigh of relief. It's not like the babe is measuring extra giant - just slightly above average. Perfect. 

Doc did notice that the umbilical cord attaches to the placenta on the edge, opposed to the center. It's called Marginal Cord Insertion, and is nothing to be alarmed about. She said the main concern lies in the baby not getting big enough towards the end of the pregnancy. We obviously don't have this problem right now, so she's just going to keep an eye on it with a few extra ultrasounds. Easy enough. 

Jill, of course, was my first phone call on the way out of the clinic. It worked out very well that she had just gotten off the phone with the Doctor, and was about to call me! We discussed Bunny's progress, the non-worrying non-issue with the cord, and an overall quick chat. Boy, I love catching up with her- Jack too :) 

In other news, I am reeeaaaaaallly forgetful these days. Not even the funny/cute kind. The I lost my new phone kind. The phone I had to buy because two months ago I put my phone on the top of the car and *forgot* it was there before driving away. Sigh.

I am not an overly organized person. Just ask my mom, she'll tell you. I may not alphabetize my kitchen cupboards, but I do NOT like feeling like I'm in a constant state of disarray either. Seriously, I can't keep track of anything. Next thing you know I'm going to post about how I accidentally left one of the boys in the freezer aisle of the market during a popsicle run. 

I'm knocking on some wood, and if you would please knock on some for me too....

Until next time,

Carmen

life lately.

it reads:

WARNING
reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of beauty

I found this sticker stuck to a bathroom mirror in the Chicago O'Hare airport. (hey, bathroom photos like this are ok. Right...?) Eh, while the ethics behind bathroom photos are up for debate, I kind of love this sticker. It is so incredibly true. 

life lately  

I'm hungry all the time. seriously.

Bunny wiggles about lots at night, but is still relatively quiet most of the day. the placenta is anterior however, and that can (and is) muffle lots of movement until babe is big enough to pack a real punch.

I'm hungry all the time.

I'm still sleeping well, but I have craaazy dreams nearly every night.

The guys and I are living in the sun these days, and I love it. so do they.

A trip to the pool over the weekend left me with a sunburnt tummy. I put sunscreen on religiously, but must have forgot the belly because it was pretty red for a day or two. which brings me to my next point.

I'm forgetting stuff quite often. It's embarrassing.

I'm ravenously hungry pretty much all the time.

I worked a full shift a couple days ago and by the end of my shift I was so.done. I was spent, tired, and my hips were achy.  I am NOT complaining, but I think I will stick to half shifts as much as possible.

I have started noticing some Braxton Hicks contractions in the evenings, or when I've been busier than I should be. A tall glass of water and putting my feet up serves as a cure-all. This is not abnormal for me in pregnancy, but they sure make my belly look funny.

I'm constantly hungry. But I can't get enough ice water either. If you know me you know this is odd because I prefer all of my beverages at room temperature. Coffee? I let it sit until it's lukewarm. Water? From the tap in a glass sans ice. Not these days! Ice in everything, the colder the better.

I caught myself looking at some good reading material for my research internship this fall. I may or may not have purchased said book(s) though school is still a good six weeks out...

Well it's time for bed, but not before I find myself a good snack to hold Bunny and I over until morning.

Until next time,

Carmen

1/2

We have hit (and passed) the halfway mark of this pregnancy! I can't believe it, time is going so quickly. It feels like just yesterday I was waiting like a crazed maniac by the phone to hear the results from the official pregnancy test. It could have been last week that Jill and I sat anxiously in the waiting room for our first ultrasound. 

And now we're here, a little over half way through week 21. Bunny and I are doing well, and growing on schedule. I have gained about fifteen pregnancy pounds, and Bunny will closing in on a whole pound soon.

I'm feeling really good these days. I had a fainting episode a couple of weeks ago, but after a bag of IV fluids and a good night's sleep all was well again. My OB said that fainting is not uncommon during pregnancy as my body adjusts to the increase in blood volume - and sure enough I took a trip to the floor at work. I'm so thankful for my wonderful coworkers who took excellent care of me and drove me to the hospital to get checked out. You girls are the best!

Other than the fainting, everything has been moving along smoothly. Summer vacation is living up to all expectations. I recently spent a week away from home with my aunt, uncle, and cousins and had a wonderful time. I missed my guys a bunch, but it was so great to spend some long overdue quality time. The boys and I have been spending lots of time in the sun to pass these lazy days and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be spending my summer holiday.

Until next time,
Carmen

boys.

Being a Mom-of-Boys is no easy task, really it's not. There are lots of fart jokes, their usual volume is loud, dinner conversation revolves around sports (and spiders), they love to wrestle, and run, and somehow they always find a way to get dirty right before we need to leave the house. 

It's not easy. I've had my fair share of "I am NOT cut out for this" moments, but they are fleeting, because with one look at their handsome (albeit dirt-covered) little faces somehow I figure that everything will be fine. And it will be. When I keep in mind the men I want them to grow up to be, I have an easier time separating big deal things, from no-big-deal things. I have compiled a few thoughts about some big deal things I can attempt to impress upon their little minds. 

We can show them about hard work.

Hard work comes with reward. The world doesn't owe you anything, go after what you want and earn it. Yosi works hard to support us, and has worked his way up in the company. I hope that one day the boys will see and appreciate all of the hard hours he puts in at work, and how by working hard and by being a kind person, he has opened so many doors for our family.

We can show them about the value of an education.

 It's not easy being a mom who is also a student, but it's even harder to be an adult in America with no college degree. Go to college. 

We can show them about being a good friend.

Whether they like it or not, they are each others first best friends. They will learn the most about how relationships work by how they interact with each other. By letting them work out their own disagreements, we can help them build skills that will benefit them on the playground, in the classroom, in the office, and in their homes as adults. Unless one of them is bleeding, or all other attempts have failed, we can serve them best by stepping back and letting them work it out between themselves. 

We can show them that life happens away from a screen.

Sometimes it makes me the meanest mom in the whole world, but by turning the TV off, I let them find ways to explore. Bugs in the yard, forts in the living room, a trip to the beach... Interacting with others and with the world we live in is way more fun than the TV induced coma that is so tempting for us all..(Grey's Anatomy? guilty.).

We can show them to appreciate their bodies.

If you treat your body well, it will return the favor. Eat colorful, real food. If it comes out of a crinkly package, just put it down. Move around. Use your body for your life. Hike, run, play. You'll feel better for longer, and that is important. Respect yourself and treat your body as it deserves (you only get one, afterall). 

We can show them a marriage.

Being in love with another person is not easy. Sharing your life with another person is not easy. By letting the boys witness the type of selflessness required in a marriage we hope that they'll go into their own relationships with an idea of what it takes to make it work. But it's not all dreary and dreadful! Yosi and I cuddle on the couch, and dance in the kitchen during dinner prep sometimes. We kiss before we leave the house (and lots of other times too!) and we say "I love you" when we hang up the phone. We go on kid free dates to enjoy each other's company over something other than chicken nuggets. Likewise, we don't hide the fact that we don't always see eye to eye. By seeing how conflict can be resolved respectfully, by give and take, we hope that someday they'll be able to employ the same set of skills with the people they love. Except money, we never ever discuss money stuff around the little guys. We don't think they need to be concerned/involved in family finances.

We can show them what makes a hero.

We live in a world where little boys are taught that heroes wear capes and fly around saving the world. I want to teach my little boys that the real heroes are those men and women wearing sandy boots fighting for our freedom. Real heroes are the soldiers, and the teachers, and the doctors who help us when we're sick. A flashy suit is nice, but heroes are people who are out there in real life, making this world a better place in ways big, and small. 

We can show them that it's not the outside that matters.

On that same note, we live in a world with a very specific criteria for beauty. Beauty does not come from a certain sized waist, or a particular brand of clothes. Beauty comes from within, and that is important to remember. It is more important to the be interesting than beautiful. It's not ok to pass judgement based on how somebody looks, to do so would only be a great disservice to yourself. 

We can show them that kindness should be a way of life. 

Manners are important. Still are, and always will be. Every request should include a please for the rest of your life. Hold the door for women, children, the elderly, and anyone else around. Show respect for every person, even if they have nothing to give in return. Smile at folks you see, and greet people warmly. Don't ever look down on anyone unless you're an extending a hand to help them up. 

We can help them understand that life really is short.

Love the people you surround yourself with. Make time for the people you love and who love you. Travel. Eat amazing food in amazing company. Fall in love. Sometimes it's ok to stay up late on December evenings making Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate. Find something you love, and find a way to make it your life. Help people, even when they wont' be able return the favor. Take risks. The best way to enjoy a summer day is in the sun next to a body of water... even if there is laundry to be folded. Live a rich and fulfilling life, and when things get hard, or your heart is broken, or you realize that the risk you took wasn't very well calculated... We're always here. Forever and ever. 

Being a Mom-of-Boys is not easy, but it's amazing all the while. Looking at the big picture during our daily routine, I'm able to see how it really is the little things that they'll take with them.. The little things have a funny way of becoming the big things anyhow.

Until next time,

Carmen

list-less

I turned 22 a couple weeks back, and it was a great birthday. Hubs and I went out of town and ate great food, drank great coffee, and did a little shopping. It was perfect. 

Last year on my birthday, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year. I was pretty successful (except with the crockpot meals....)!

Though (for the right occasion) I can make a list with the best of 'em, I thought about trying something different for this year. I'm forgoing the list. I'm focusing less on the list-y part of life, and more on the parts of life that don't fit in a column of to-do's. 

The more I get to experience this life, the more and more I realize that most of the important stuff isn't what's on the list. It's what is between the lines. It's that stuff that hardly fits into words at all. 

You know the stuff right? That joy of seeing new parents look at their baby for the first time... The tears that swell up in your eyes as your firstborn walks into kindergarten... The way it feels at the end of the day when you lay your head on his chest and fall asleep... The times when the reality of losing someone you love so very much hits so hard that all you can do is remember to breath. Those days when being a mom is just so overwhelmingly and ridiculously exhausting that all you can do is a laugh/cry combo that makes people in the grocery store look at you funny... That air that makes the weekend feel so magical... Stuff like that.

That's what I want to do this year - seek out and revel in the parts of life that don't make the list. Happy. Sad. All that good stuff in between. That's where I'll be. I bet this will be my favorite year yet.

^I say this every year, and every year I'm right. 

Until next time,

Carmen