a variety of produce for your Tuesday.

My name is Carmen, and I have been a crappy blogger lately. 

Let us play a game of catch up - 

 At 15 weeks Bunny was the size of a navel orange. 

At 16 weeks Bunny is the size of an avocado.

In a day and  a half, at 17 weeks, Bunny will be the size of an onion. 

Now that we're all caught up to speed I can carry on with this incredibly brief update. 

I had an incredible weekend away that I will save for another post, but I will tell you that it involved lots of insightful thoughts and zero showering. It was great.

I can't believe we're creeping up on the 17 week mark. Holy crow.

Had an appointment today and Bunny and I are doing very well. I have gained three pounds since my last appointment and my blood pressure was award-winning. Bunny's heart sounds good, but I know that because of my obsessive frequent use of my doppler. 

My husband is awesome because he reminded me that I 'look beautiful when I'm pregnant'. This guy is award-winning too. 

Oh I turned 22 last week. I love my birthdays and this one was equally awesome. I will do a list of goals for my new year soon. No really, I will. 

I can't wait to call Jack and Jill and tell them that I felt their Bunny hopping around. Any day now...

We took the boys to the carnival tonight, and even though sitting out on the rides makes me frown, eating funnel cake un-does any frown to ever exist. 

Until next time,

Carmen

annoyed. let me tell you why.

If you are feeling extra sensitive today, this may not exactly be the post for you. Blame it on the heat, or the pregnancy hormones, or the whiny little men. Blame it one whatever you like, but I'm annoyed. 

It was Nurses Week last week and my newsfeed was blowing up with memes like this:

Sigh. Let me start by saying I love me some nurses. Really, I do. I work with some amazing nurses who deserve all of the thanks and appreciation that they never get. This is not even about nurses specifically, so let me just move away from that particular career. 

It makes me sad to see things like this for two main reasons:

1) We should all show gratitude to those who brighten our day, make our lives easier, or are generally awesome. We should freely give thanks for who they are and what they do. When someone does something great, we should be shouting about how much we appreciate said greatness.

2) If being thanked and appreciated is what makes ones job worth a their time, maybe they are in the wrong field. 

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from Lao Tzu, "Act without expectation". It's such a shame that there are people out there working at a job that is evidently not worth their time unless they are being praised. 

I completely understand what it's like to work in a thankless environment, where your best is never good enough, and saliva and various other bodily fluids sometimes end up on your shirt. It's not easy, or even sometimes pleasant, but I do it because it's my job. A job I wanted because I thought that I could touch a life, maybe just one if I was lucky. 

Life is short people. If that meme describes your work situation, I sincerely hope that you can find peace within your current career. If not, I hope you can gather the courage to find a career that will be worth your time whether or not you get a week dedicated to your profession. 

Also, give away some gratitude. People of all professions  ALL people need to know how much they are appreciated for what they do who they are.  

Vent over.

Carmen

an uninspired update.

Having fruit as my top photo makes blogging a lot easier. I'm embarrassed to admit that when I choose a different photo it takes a loooong time to pick just the right one. But, when I do a Bunny update I just go find a photo of whichever fruit my weekly pregnancy emails compare the baby to. Thank you Google Images. 

At 14 weeks and 4 days Bunny is the size of a lemon. A lemon that is starting to make a real difference in the ways my clothes fit. Sometimes I look more pregnant than other times, but my midsection is definitely starting  to take on a round look. Though there are still times I look down and can't see much of a difference, those times are getting less and less. 

I'm feeling good for the most part. 

Large amounts of water in the morning still makes me throw up... Just checked on that one again this morning. 

Other than the morning water problems, most of my nausea and yucky feelings have disappeared. 

I am less tired, but still sleepier than usual. I was kind of waiting for all of my energy to return full force in the past couple of weeks and I'm still waiting. It might still be coming, or I might just have unrealistic expectations. I have to remind myself that my body is growing a human and that takes work. I have been napping and taking it extra easy - no need to work too hard. 

That being said, I'm done working at the blog post. I thought some amazing inspiration would come to me if I just started typing, but, apparently not tonight. 

I'll be back an inspired and brilliant entry soon,

Carmen 

about sharing.

You guessed it. Bunny is the size of a peach this week. 

I'm so flipping excited to be nearing 14 weeks along. Here are a few prego observations for your reading pleasure:

I'm hungry all the time but can only eat tiny bits at a time because I get full SO fast. This means I eat pretty much all day because as soon as the tiny bit of food in my stomach is digested I'm famished again. 

I've gained 1.4 pounds in the past two weeks, making for a total of 5 pregnancy pounds so far. 

I am making trips to the bathroom all.the.time. This is something that I don't remember noticing much with my guys, and certainly not this early. If it keeps up I might as well put up a cot next to the toilet by month six. 

I bought a heartbeat doppler and may or may not be completely obsessed with it...

I look pregnant in the evening after I've been eating all day. In the morning I only look like I've been eating all day. 

All considering, Bunny and I are doing very well. I can't feel her hopping around yet, but I know she's on the move now. I know this because I had an ultrasound at my last appointment and Bunny actually looks more like a baby and less like a blob! She was wiggling all over during the ultrasound and it was a lot of fun to watch and she looks healthy so far.

**Again, we do not know the gender of the baby. I am just slimming down the wordage.**

As you see here, I regularly refer to the baby as Bunny. That is the nickname I picked out (with a green light from Jack and Jill) before the transfer even happened. Because I'm not naming this baby I wanted to have something to call her while she occupies my uterus. I have a lot of people asking what the baby's actual name is, or if Jack and Jill have something picked out. 

I do not know what Bunny's name will be. I think Jack and Jill have compiled some ideas, but I am not sure what they are and whether or not they have chosen one. They have to share a lot of stuff with me, just by nature of this process. There is so much about becoming a parent via surrogacy that demands forfeiting so many of the traditional special moments that most parents relish along the way. Sharing that positive test with your husband, going to all doctor appointments and listening to that tiny heart beating in your belly, tight pants, those first flutters of movement... Jack and Jill have to share all of that stuff with me, all of those moments on their journey to parenthood now include a whole extra person.

Not to say that this adventure isn't amazing, because I think we all would agree that it absolutely is. My point is just that Jack and Jill already have to share a bunch of stuff with me, and I want them keep whatever names they are contemplating close to their hearts just as many expectant parents do. Eventually, they will be ready to announce that lovely name to their friends and family and I will be overjoyed to learn it then. 

Until next time,

Carmen 

the other side.

I am proud to report that I survived finals week. By survived I mean made it out on the other side. Nothing more fancy than that. 

I only had one small breakdown that included crying. I had two anxiety induced irrational dreams about exams, celebrities, and cruise ships. Then there was three minutes on Tuesday morning where after I parked I just about turned around and drove home because getting out of the car seemed like too much work.  

At the beginning of my 8pm final last night I was handed the exam and proceeded to just look at it while drinking every last drop of coffee in my travel thermos. I must have sat there for ten minutes, just sitting. It was one of those moments where there just isn't enough coffee left in that cup for life to continue, and certainly not enough to cook up an essay about the Jerusalem church in the first century. After the first eight minutes or so my professor tapped on my desk and asked if I was alright as I was sitting and eyeing my empty cup. I looked up and nodded and he smiled and let me sit. Eventually I mustered up the umph I needed to get the exam finished and I am pretty certain that I earned an A. 

In the midst of the chaos there were some bright spots.

Like hearing a math tutor joke to another math tutor that the USD honors program is just about as prestigious as the George W. Bush Library. I didn't know that math nerds could make funnies, but boy did I enjoy that one. 

I made an incredibly creative analogy comparing a certain Jesus expiation theory to 3in1 shampoo/body wash/conditioner. Brilliant it was. 

I successfully completed my second year of college. A bright spot indeed. 

It felt like a difficult week, partly because it was, and partly because on this gestating thing I've got going on. I think I can attribute at least half of my tears to these awesome pregnancy hormones. I can also thank them for the wacky dreams. And for what it's worth, nobody handles stress well when tired, and growing a human is a tiring task. But despite the stressful moments this week, the relief and pride of finishing yet another semester trumps any of the short lived discomfort. 

now that school is over I will have time to:

blog more than any of you will care to read.

read books for fun.

tweeze my eyebrows. seriously.

clean out my garage.

work on a few little house projects that I've been putting off

since we moved in December..

enjoy my giant backyard with my guys.

sit and relax.

end of list and goals.

Carmen

thursday thoughts.

Hey Carmen, why is there a lime as the photo for this post?

Funny you ask, I was just going to tell you that Bunny is the size of a lime this week. Obviously that should be celebrated here on the blog. 

11 weeks along and finally finding some pep in my steps. Not a lot, but more than there was. When my alarm goes off in the morning I actually think thoughts about getting up instead of thoughts about throwing that damn alarm away. I'd qualify that as a step in the right direction. 

School is fine (read: busy). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and am running towards it. I'm ready for a nice break. I don't dare call it a summer break.... In order for that it must not snowing. We don't meet those requirements. Sigh.

I had a 24 hour (not even) stomach flu late last week. I wouldn't be mad if that never happened again. Yuck, I felt awful but luckily with some help from my mom and Yos I managed to survive in one piece - though a couple pounds lighter. 

Sometimes, randomly, Yosi will come up to me and ask me to marry him. Every once and a while he'll take my ring off, get on one knee and the whole shebang. Cheesy? Absolutely. But you had better believe that I say yes just as excitedly as I did the first time over five years ago. He's a pretty swell guy.

The boys are perfect. See?

Every night Yos and I tuck them snugly into their own beds. Every night before we turn in we find them together. 

Stealing moments like this is a deep breath. A quiet moment were they aren't bickering, or wrestling, or pulling each others' hair, or whining about who is going to pick up or play with which toy. A moment where I get to catch a glimpse of the friendship they have, the bond they are building, and that brother love that I so desperately want for them.

Until next time,

Carmen

time and stuff.

but you don't.

 love people you love. really love them. love them in practical ways, love them in extravagant ways, tell them you love them. often. 

Yos and I visited my family this weekend. It's about a six hour car ride, and we made the trip sans boys. Just him and I. Man I love that guy. It's cheesy right, but I really love spending time with him. Except on the way home he drove me nuts for about 30 miles going on incessantly about the Nike store we stopped at. It was short lived and then he went back to being awesome... or I just stopped being cranky. One or the other.

We spent three days visiting. It was wonderful and too short. I spent most of my time sitting on the couch. Just sitting. And it was the only thing I wanted to do. I live far away from my family, and we don't talk nearly as often as we should, but there is something so comforting about sitting in a room full of folks I love and who love me. 

But this is not a sad post. Not tonight. 

Today is a big day for Jack, Jill, Bunny, and I. We are 10 weeks along today! We're talking double digits here people. This week Bunny is the size of a prune. 

How am I feeling?

Better. I am less tired (hey, it is 9:30 and I'm still awake!), and have more motivation....sometimes. 

I get nauseous about 6pm and it lasts until I go to bed. 

Drinking large glasses of water in the morning makes me throw up for the rest of the day. Every time. <- I know this because I've tried it multiple days... just to be sure I guess. 

I have already increased the number of pillows I sleep with. By the time Nolan was born I was up to 7 and Yos was down to 1. I'm thinking I might invest in a pregnancy pillow this time around so Yosi doesn't develop a permanent kink in his neck.

I bought my first pair of maternity pants over the weekend. They are still too big, but might be good for hauling melons around...(Phoebe from Friends anyone?)

I have lost about 7lbs recently, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm not taking gigantic doses of estrogen anymore. I don't feel like I've lost ANY pounds. I can't even find my favorite jeans due to lack of use. Yoga pants are still pants, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says.

In other news:

I actually made dinner AND did laundry the other night and was feeling like the BEST wife in the whole world. Until I accidentally washed Yosi's iPod with the laundry. Oops.

Evidently spring is confused and brought us an ice storm. I'm soooo over it. I'm even more over reading about it in my news feed. 

We watched Remember the Titans last night. I cried through most of the movie. Right when it stops being funny it gets sad. And then that cycle started all over again until Gary's funeral when I was down right sobbing.

     ^When I was pregnant with Christian I had the great idea of watching Castaway for the first time.. I still get teary think about Wilson getting lost.

Oh and it's finals season and today I studied for 1 hour. Napped for 2 hours. Spent at least 45 minutes on Pinterest. Blogged after the boys went to bed. And now I'm going to go watch an episode of Prison Break I've already seen. I'll study tomorrow. 

Until next time,

Carmen